Justin Bieber Is Taking Time Off From Music To Find Himself
Justin Bieber is supposedly taking a break from terrorizing ear drums to go on an Eat. Pray. Love. journey of self-discovery. Justin will eat lots of string cheese in his high-chair, Pray while wearing his favorite Hawaiian-print shirt, and Love when his wife Hailey Baldwin takes all his money from him since they don’t have a prenup. No, he trusts that she’s going to love him unconditionally and forever, like all those other Hollywood romances.
People is reporting that the Biebs is trying to find himself. They have a source (Scooter Braun trying to protect his investment) who tells them:
“He’s happy and content… He is in love with Hailey. She encourages him to do whatever he wants to do, and is encouraging him in this season of self-discovery.”
“Season of self-discovery”? LMAO. Gwyneth Paltrow just had an aneurysm because she didn’t say that first.
Right now, Justin’s relationships are his top priority and that means taking a step away from music.
“It actually bugs him when people ask when he’s going back to the studio or on tour… He has worked for years, and the first time he takes a significant break, everyone’s all, ‘When’s he coming back?’ To Justin, those aren’t just questions — those are demands. For years, everyone has tried to take a piece of him. Just let him be.”
Justin is searching for his purpose right now… He’s thinking, ‘Hey, maybe it’s not music. Maybe there are other things I should be doing.’ So while he’s figuring it out, the last thing he needs is people asking him when he’s going back into the studio… He truly wants to make the world a better place, and he’s self-aware enough to know that some of his previous choices may not have accomplished that… So he’s working through it, which really should be applauded. It’s a very mature thing to do.”
What did I say? Scooter Braun gives good quotes. Paint your client as cognizant of world issues? Check. Show that he knows he used to be a huge fucking asshole brat but assure that he’s maturing? Check. Talk about existential questioning alluding to the fact that Justin actually has depth within that Man Boy persona? Check. Hitting all the marks, girl.
Now as for Justin’s post-music career path I have a few suggestions that would be perfect for him. Whoopie-cushion tester. A before-shot hair model. Amateur competitive burrito eater. Vagabond. Really, his options are endless.
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