Dear Coleen: Fiance is breaking my heart with his online flirting
About six months ago, I noticed my partner was spending a lot of time on his mobile phone. At first I thought it was work-related, but soon realised it was social media and this coincided with him becoming quite distant.
Anyway, he proposed to me and gave me a beautiful ring. That night, I couldn’t sleep with excitement, but I was also uneasy. As he slept, I noticed his phone kept vibrating so I checked it and saw there were some messages from a woman he works with.
The texts were explicit and it was clear they’d been exchanging them for a while.
There were also racy messages sent to a string of other random women on his Facebook page.
Long story short, when I confronted him, he apologised profusely and promised to stop. However, it seems he is back to his old habits six months down the line.
Recently, he has been chatting with his ex and commenting on this other woman’s pictures, telling her he’d like to hold her! We have a son together, who is a year old, and my husband is a very loving father, hands-on and supportive, but he’s broken my spirit and trust. I am devastated and I feel like giving him his ring back.
Why don’t you do just that? And say you’ll accept it back if he can prove to you that he’s stopped sharing sexually explicit messages with other women and flirting on social media.
What he’s doing is a betrayal and it’s incredibly hurtful. For some reason, because it’s online and he hasn’t met these women or slept with them, then he thinks it’s OK.
Well, it’s not if you’re supposed to be in a committed relationship with someone you’ve proposed to and expect to spend the rest of your life with.
Please do not marry him until this is resolved. Maybe he’s got some kind of addiction issue or maybe he’s just an old-fashioned love rat who wants to have his cake and eat it. But you deserve to be treated better than this.
Make him work hard at proving to you that this behaviour is in the past. And if you’re still not convinced, then walk away.
He can still be a great father and supportive co-parent. Good luck.
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