I want more with the woman I work with but she's not ready
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M close to a woman I used to work with, but I can’t help wondering whether she will ever commit to me.
She was in an abusive relationship which is all over now.
I asked her recently if she wanted to start a relationship, but she said she’s not ready and only wants friendship.
We talk and text every day. Everyone calls her my girlfriend.
She says she struggles with the abuse from her ex, but she shuts down when I ask her about it. I’m 32 and she’s 30.
She sometimes cries when she talks about him but still won’t open up.
If she won’t commit I’ll move on but if I tell her that, it might push her over the edge.
I’ll never have a good understanding if she won’t confide in me.
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DEIDRE SAYS: She has told you she only wants friendship and isn’t ready for anything else, so you should take that as your guide.
She’s bound to be wary after leaving an abusive relationship, and you shouldn’t try to force her to talk.
She is being honest with you and you must accept that, even if it’s painful.
Your friendship is more likely to survive if you take a step back, so she doesn’t feel pressured.
My support pack on Moving On should help with accepting this relationship won’t happen.
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