I'm having an affair with man from running club – and I think hubby suspects it

My mum looks after the children so I can keep fit running.

This guy and I ended up running in the same group and just started chatting. He was so easy to talk to.

I’m 41 and my husband is 43. We have been together for 15 years and married for five. We have three children aged 12, ten and nine but my husband has been seeing other women throughout our time together and then lying to me about it.

He was careless with his phone and emails and I kept catching him out. But he denied everything and continues to do it.

I have fallen in love with this other man. He is 40 and makes me feel so alive and I can’t get enough of him.

My feelings are nothing like when I first met my husband. It is so much more intense. I love this guy so much and I know he loves me. He is sweet and kind and an awesome lover.

He has been divorced for three years. He has an 11-year-old son who lives with him.

Getting time together is difficult. We manage to meet three or four times a week but it’s becoming harder and harder to make up excuses for my absence at home.

I am beginning to wonder if my husband suspects that something is going on.

My lover has said he would take me and my three kids on and I believe him. My biggest worry is that I know my husband wouldn’t make it easy for me to leave.

He can be controlling and possessive and he has a bit of a temper. I know he would stop all money and not let me have anything. I don’t know what to do.


It’s far more common than it used to be but perhaps that’s not surprising when you remember stress and depression can lower libido.

But there is a lot they – and their partner – can do. My e-leaflet Reviving A Man’s Sex Drive explains.

For a copy email problems@deardeidre.org or private message me on my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

DEIDRE SAYS: You have three kids and owe it to them at least to give your marriage a fair try.

If nothing else it will mean you can leave with a clearer conscience.

Tell your lover you must see if you can rebuild your marriage and ask him to give you three months or so to try.

Don’t see or talk to him in this time. Focus on trying to bring back love and lust into your married sex life.

It would demand your husband being honest about his cheating and being willing to make a fresh effort.

If he won’t and it doesn’t work, at least you will be able to tell yourself and your children you tried. In that case, though, let the dust settle before getting together with your lover.

Your husband has a legal obligation to provide financially for your children. Contact Child Maintenance Options (cmoptions.org). If you divorce, the courts will decide who gets what.

READ TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE My mum is arranging to hook up with my workmates online — I feel humiliated

READ DEIDRE'S PHOTO CASEBOOK Cherie tells husband to move out and shack up with next door lover

Get in touch with Deidre today

Got a problem? Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

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