I'm hooked on my toyboy for the hot sex but he never shows any emotion

He is only 20 while I am a divorced woman of 32 with a little boy.

I was scared to get involved with anyone after my divorce, then I met my friend’s younger brother when she invited a group of us to a local pub for her birthday.

I met up with him again and he was honest with me from the start. He said he wasn’t looking for a relationship. He only wanted sex. It was very good sex so I went along with that for a while but then cooled it.

Then I saw him by chance a couple of months later and it started up again. We just did the deed and didn’t talk about anything else.

He is a passionate lover but otherwise he never shows any emotion, either with me or about his family and friends.

After a year or so I got sick of being a “f*** buddy” and putting my life on hold for him. I had a fling with a friend of his.

To my surprise he got really angry. He didn’t say anything but I could see it in him. What I don’t understand is that he always comes back to me, although I don’t know if he even likes me.

I thought that if I had sex with his friend he would not come near me again but that didn’t happen.

He just never said anything about it.

His sister knows about us and is not happy with the situation. She wants us to take one another more seriously or to split up. I think she believes I am stopping him from finding a proper girlfriend and getting on with his life. He doesn’t work, doesn’t do anything much.

I know I am hooked on him but what I can’t understand is why he keeps coming back to me. Should I walk away?


Sensate-focus exercises – where couples concentrate on touching to encourage intimacy – form the basis of most treatments.

Is this madness? My e-leaflet Sex-Play Therapy on the pros and cons will help you decide.

For a copy email [email protected] or private message me on my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

DEIDRE SAYS: You appear to be sympathising with your friend’s worry about holding this young man’s life back when, in fact, your life is being held back too.

As things are, this relationship is going nowhere.

Maybe he’s not just using you and, beneath that silent exterior, he cares deeply for you now, but you’ll never know until you insist on an honest conversation.

Tell him that a sex-only relationship isn’t for you so either he admits that he cares for you now or you’re going to walk away. And then you must have the strength to do that, for your own sake even more than his.

If to everyone’s amazement he admits he cares for you, that will mean you have to face up to a whole different set of issues created by the age gap and your different life stages. In that case my e-leaflet, Do Age-gaps Matter?, will help.

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