My husband left us for a life of partying – he seemed so desperate to escape
DEAR DEIDRE: THE lovely man I married has disappeared – he went from a real family man to living like a single bloke on the pull.
We were together for 12 years but the last year was a complete sham.
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My husband changed so quickly in that time and now there isn’t one part of him I recognise.
He is 42, I’m 35 and we have a nine-year-old daughter. He left just before Christmas and I’m still reeling. I demanded to know who the woman was he was leaving us for but he insisted he went because “it didn’t feel right any more”, not because he’s met someone else.
From the moment he got a new job with a big American company, his transformation began and he started distancing himself.
He lost his “dad bod”, started going to the gym, had his nose pierced, grew his hair long and started buying expensive clothes.
I thought his new job would be the making of us but instead it signalled the end. He’d go out after work with “cousins” that I’d never heard of and come back home in the early hours and sometimes not at all.
He attended constant “client parties” or met old friends he hadn’t spoken to for years, but I was never invited. A whole new tribe of people I didn’t know friended him on social media and I noticed he only ever posted pictures of himself, never of me or our daughter.
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Women who I’d never heard of started commenting on his images. They were flirtatious and quite often referenced their great nights out.
I begged him to spend more time with us but he was always desperate to escape. I never in a million years thought I’d be a single mum but since he left four months ago he’s only seen his daughter three times.
DEIDRE SAYS:He might not have cheated but when he started his new job he reinvented himself.
His behaviour points to a mid-life crisis. This often creeps up on men who’ve worked hard all their adult lives, providing for families and the thought “what’s it all about?” dawns on them.
My support pack called Male Mid-Life Crisis explains more about this and will show you where to find support.
Make contact with your husband and tell him that even if he no longer wants to be with you, he can still be a good dad and it is important that your daughter continues to see him.
Try to arrange a regular day when he sees her. It may make him think when he realises what he’s missing out on.
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