My longtime lover has got married and I'm afraid he'll put his new wife first

He is 35 and we met because my best friend was his best friend’s younger sister.

One day he told me he thought he was falling in love with me, which was wonderful because I felt the same.

We started having sex and it was always amazing.

He is from an Asian background and I worried his family might want to have a say in his choice of a wife. But I put it out of my mind, thinking he would stand up to them.

Sadly, he didn’t resist them as I hoped he would.

They chose him a wife and he went along with their plans. I was 18 and felt left behind.

I tried to forget him but he got back in contact and said his marriage hadn’t worked out, that he was no longer with her and that he wanted to see me again.

We’ve been having a passionate relationship ever since.

We spend as many nights together as we can but his work involves a lot of travelling.

He contacts me as soon as he is going to be back home for a while and I go to him. But then he has to go away again and I am left heartbroken. He is all I think about and is everything I have always wanted.

Now his family have found him a second wife and I don’t want him to love her more than me. He says he loves the sex we have together but I worry he will be sleeping with his new wife and won’t want me any more.

I have tried so hard to put him out of my thoughts but nothing seems to work.

I can’t stop seeing him because he is everything to me.


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DEIDRE SAYS: Sadly for you, your lover has made his decision. His culture and his family’s views matter more to him than your feelings – and they would be hard for him to resist.

This means he will put his new wife first and probably then start a family, which will occupy even more of his time. You are worth so much more than living your life around him being free to see you for occasional sex.

Accept that he is never going to be yours. This will be hard, of course, and you will be heartbroken for a while.

But this will leave you emotionally free to find someone else to love and share your life with.

Find the courage and determination to tell your lover you won’t see him again. My e-leaflet Raising Self-Esteem can help.

See friends and make new ones. When you have overcome the gap in your life, you will be ready for new love.

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