My wife was raped by her ex and can't stand the thought of sex

DEAR DEIDRE: OFTEN my wife will do anything she can to put me off sex – and last week she told me the reason why.

She revealed that her last boyfriend was abusive and raped her.

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And she said that when I get “that look” in my eyes it brings back that night.

I am 41 and she is 39. She doesn’t want to talk about it as she says I can’t really empathise, which is fair enough.

But she doesn’t understand how sickening it is to be thought of like that by someone you love.

When I desire her, I repulse her. Can you suggest any help to get us through this?

DEIDRE SAYS: Tell your wife you love her and that you under-stand how hard this is to talk about as it must bring the memory back but you do not want her abusive ex to ruin her happiness now.

No, you’re probably not the right person for her to off-load to, partly as a man but also because it will arouse such strong feelings in you.

Urge her to contact Rape Crisis (, 0808 802 9999). They can help, no matter how long ago the rape took place.

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