‘All my mate talks about is swinging, threesomes and orgies – it’s exhausting’
My mate is a bighead and a show-off.
She never misses an opportunity to brag about how great and popular she is. I accept that she has an important job, wealthy partner and wonderful lifestyle.
I’m not jealous. I’m happy for her. She’s come far.
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But would it kill her to occasionally stop talking about herself and ask me how I am?
I used to look forward to our nights out; we used to have a laugh. But now they’ve become a chore. Not only does she choose very expensive venues (that she can afford, and I cannot) but she invites other people along too. I feel like the odd one out.
At the moment she’s on cloud nine because she and her partner have discovered swinging.
They’re renting a weekend home on the south coast and have hooked up with several couples who are into sex parties.
I’m no prude but listening to her “hilarious” tales of threesomes, hot tubs and anything-goes orgies does nothing for me.
I would never attempt to bring anyone down but my life is tough right now. My work is very precarious, and my bloke is struggling to keep his business afloat.
We don’t have spare cash for treats and holidays but my mate doesn’t get that. When I dare to mention my situation, she tells me to stop being so negative, then proceeds to start talking about herself again.
When I try to exert myself she gets out her phone and starts checking her messages.
How do I make her understand life isn’t fun for all of us?
JANE SAYS: You’ve got a lot going on in your life and I don’t believe this old friend is doing you any favours.
Far from being a distraction and comfort, she’s an annoyance. She’s so pleased with herself that she thinks she’s invincible. Her current boyfriend is amazing, and she’s got money in her pocket. She’s so caught up with her own self-importance that she doesn’t want to hear about your troubles.
It’s a shame your friendship has turned sour but you can’t hang out with someone who is isn’t interested in you as a person.
Ordering you to stop being negative and looking at her phone when you dare to speak is downright rude.
A real friend is always prepared to listen and support.Maybe suggest meeting up for a sober daytime coffee.
Tell her you’re not jealous but are struggling to understand where she’s coming from. Doesn’t it cross her mind to make any extra effort for you?
Sadly, if she is totally self-obsessed, then maybe you’ll have to conclude that you’ve grown too far apart.
Use your energy to help your man and find solutions to your joint problems.
Inevitably your friend will face problems in the future. Will you be interested in supporting her then?
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