‘Fantasy dream girl’ adult star made £12k a month but quit after ‘sign from God’

2023-04-16

A former adult star has revealed she quit the porn industry and went on a "fast" from men after being sent a message by God as she warns the sex industry is "a lie".

Crissy Outlaw, from Jacksonville, Florida, first started working as a porn star back in 1999 under the name of Crissy Moran, and over the course of her seven-year career, she starred in more than 50 adult films and made up to $15,000 (£12,000) a month.

But in 2006, she decided to quit her porn career in favour of becoming a devout Christian and now encourages other sex workers to do the same.

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Crissy grew up in a Southern Baptist family with a strict father who she said was "obsessed" with her remaining a virgin until marriage.

But after a series of traumatic events, Crissy turned to porn after feeling like she "didn't have real love" in her life.

She told PromiseKeepers: "My whole life was a series of trauma, like so much trauma so many different things and all I wanted was to be loved and so I was willing to do anything to make me feel better."

After setting up a modelling portfolio online, Crissy was approached by a photographer for Playboy and did her first nude photo shoot in October 1999.

From there, Crissy began starring in porn films and while she might have appeared confident on-screen she said the reality was very different.

She explained: "The porn industry paints a picture that these ladies are confident, they wanna be there and they're ready to fulfil all your fantasies, but that's a lie.

"I couldn't be me I had to be somebody else. I had to look the part I had to pretend to be confident, pretend to be interested in what was happening."

During her time in the industry, Crissy ended up in abusive relationships with men and claimed the industry led her to feel suicidal.

"I don't know why I did it for so long, I guess because I didn't have anybody that loved me, nobody to tell me 'don't do that you're worth so much more than this,'" she said.

Crissy hit rock bottom when the "nice" man she was dating went to a strip club while he was out of town.

"Seven years of trying to be the perfect fantasy dream girl and now the one guy who doesn't abuse me is going to see another woman to fantasize about her," she said.

"That was really devastating to me. I realised no matter what I did I was never gonna be enough."

After breaking down about her relationship, Crissy began praying to God for a sign.

She explained: "I prayed and I said 'God if you're real I need to know it I need you to tell me, I need it to be really clear because I don't feel you in my life, I've gone through so many traumatic things and you haven't been there'".

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She said the next day God did "reveal himself" to her by sending her a message after she flew out to meet her then-boyfriend, who was an actor, while he was filming for a show.

Crissy explained that while on set, a man approached her and began asking her what she did for a living, after initially lying about the type of modelling she did she eventually admitted she was a porn star and he asked her "do you believe in God?".

"This was the sign I was looking for, it was just a simple question and I knew that that was God telling me that he loved me", Crissy said.

Crissy decided to leave the porn industry for good and went on to meet her husband.

"We were friends for a whole year, I went on a fast from men, I wasn't dating or hanging out with men for a year but I talked to him on the phone and he was the only one," Crissy told Soft White Underbelly.

After finally meeting in person she revealed he wasn't interested in dating her at first.

"He knew that I wasn't dateable", she said.

But romance blossomed between the pair when he attended a speaking engagement she was doing in his hometown of Houston, Texas and spotted her wearing a sticker about "waiting to have sex till you're married".

They began dating "a little bit" and then got married, with Crissy moving to Houston to be with him.

She revealed her husband has never watched her porn, adding: "He helped me believe in men again, he totally changed everything that I thought and he earned my trust and that was it, that's what I needed."

Now Crissy works with other women who have come out of the sex industry or have been victims of sex trafficking and hopes to make men realise the damage the industry creates.

She said: "I just hope that the men will understand that there is a heartbeat behind the girl who they're watching, she's not just an object, she's a real person and a lot of the time she'd had a lot of painful things happen to her."

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