I don't like my own teenage daughter – will she ever change?

2023-01-09

I don’t like my own teenage daughter who insults my appearance and ruins everything with her moods – I’m worried she’ll never change

An anonymous poster has sparked debate about her ‘spoilt’ teenage daughter
The UK mother-of-two revealed how her daughter is cruel and unkind to her
She spoke of arguments that are affecting her younger daughter of 10
Read More: Mother-of-two admitted she’s envious of people with only one child

A mother has ignited conversation about teenager’s behaviour and treatment of their parents, admitting that she dislikes her own 17-year-old daughter.

Posting on British parenting forum Mumsnet, the mother-of-two revealed that her eldest is ‘spoilt, rude, and downright unkind’ to her, her father and younger sister, aged 10.

She explained how her daughter ‘just doesn’t seem to care’ about the rest of her family.

She wrote: ‘Me, [her dad] and her youngest sister who is 10 suffer as a result of her behaviour every day and it’s getting to the point where we are all on countdown as to when she will leave home. She’s 17 so if she goes to university it will be in the next year or so.’

An anonymous poster has sparked debate about her ‘spoilt’ teenage daughter. The UK mother-of-two revealed how her daughter is cruel and unkind to her

The mother explained how she felt awful writing this about her own daughter, as she ‘has always been a much loved child’ with a secure home.

She has always had friends at the house and was able to participate in clubs and have an active social life.

The woman posted: ‘We have paid for her to attend clubs at school and this year are paying for her to go on a school trip to USA. We are not rich by any means so have explained to DD this will mean cutting back in other areas.’

She then told a story about attending the theatre on Boxing Day, which ended in disaster with her 17-year-old ‘moaning about something or other.’

Writing on Mumsnet the UK-based mother revealed how her daughter was cruel towards her and her father

She wrote: ‘My other DD and I needed the loo and she even moaned about that “why did we not have control of our bladder” this was our first trip to the loo in about 5 hours!

‘She insults my appearance asking why I don’t dye my hair, why I wasn’t wearing makeup, criticising my clothes and calling DH a “short man”. She feels it is ok to say all these hurtful things despite having parents who love her and try to do the best for her.

‘I just dislike her so much and am so concerned that this is who she is and will never change. Her personality is just awful. Friends tell me it’s because she’s a teenager but does this mean all teenagers are cruel?’

This ignited hundreds of comments and while many people having sympathy for the poster, others criticised her parenting and asked where the consequences where for her daughter.

Many questioned the mother’s approach to her daughter and questioned why she kept paying for things. One said that she needed to clamp down

Kicking off the debate, one posted:’Why on earth are you paying for her to go to America?

‘She treats you all by the sounds of it awfully. She’s 17 almost an adult.

‘She’s ruined a trip to the theatre and restaurant afterwards which is a small fortune in itself!

‘This is ongoing behaviour yet you are making cutbacks etc to be able to afford to send her to America?

‘Even if i could easily afford it, if she were mine she wouldn’t be goinglet alone if i was having to make cutbacks to allow her to go.

‘Why would she change when she knows there are literally no consequences?

‘You write about her as though shes a youngish teenage she isn’t.’

Another posted: ‘Who pays for her phone contract, make up etc? I’d stop all that straight away. She would live like an absolute pauper.’

A third commented: ‘A 17 year old screaming over dinner and shoving you ?? That would be the US trip out of the window . Come down hard and right now . Don’t reward bad behaviour.’

And a fourth said: ‘She sounds like she’s been spoilt to be honest OP. This is broadly the behaviour of someone who knows they can get away with the behaviour she is with little to no consequences.

‘I’ll be potentially rude and ask why if she behaves like this have you cut back to pay for her to go on an (assuming optional) US school trip? Does her behaviour warrant it?

‘I’m not saying you’re a bad parent or anything like it, but you’ve described a spoilt brat who needs clamping down on.’

Many people questioned if this had come on recently or if her behaviour had always been an issue

Others sympathised with the mother, with one posting: ‘Ugh. She sounds absolutely horrible. Time for her to leave home.’

Another person was not so sympathetic and bluntly posted: ‘Well, you raised her!’

While a third said: ‘I would never have said anything like that to my mum at 17.

‘Has this been a gradual change?’

The mother did respond to critics to defend her parenting and explain that they pick her daughter up every single time on her behaviour

The original poster did respond to critics to defend her parenting.

She said: ‘We do pick her up on her behaviour every single time. Which is why DH and I are worn down with it all. It’s a constant battle. It’s affecting her sister who says she can’t stand the arguing and is spending more and more time in her room to avoid her sister.

‘I did not bring her up to be like this. I treat people with kindness and spent her whole childhood demonstrating kindness and generosity towards others.’

Other people were more positive and believed that her daughter would grown out of her behaviour and tried to explain that it is normal

Other people were more positive and believed that her daughter would grown out of her behaviour and tried to explain that it is normal.

One person posted: ‘YANBU, but this doesn’t sound unusual. More the grumpy, critical stage some go through before they’re fully in charge of their own destiny. She’ll probably be a delight by the time she’s 22, but it’s hard to live with in the meantime.’

And a second commented: ‘I find that teenagers will be as cruel, contemptuous and disrespectful if they want to, for as long as they can get away with it.

‘I also find that teenagers tend to want money, lifts, facilitation of a social life, to be treated nicely themselves and food that they enjoy. This means that they can be quite firmly pulled into line when they are behaving like spoiled entitled little brats who think they can say what they want/do what they want, without consequences. By applying consequences.’

Woman provokes debate by asking why people are so ‘nasty’ about stay-at-home mothers – but others say it’s ‘common sense’ to work and admit they’d be ‘devastated’ if their ‘daughter became a housewife’

Woman left ‘cringeing’ at her friend’s constant use of phrases like ‘bless you’ and ‘sweetie’ divides opinion – as some insist she’s being ‘mean’ while others agree it would ‘drive them bonkers’

Mother sparks debate about men ‘invading’ female spaces such as breastfeeding rooms – as some claim dads should be involved but others insist women must protect themselves

Source: Read Full Article