I received a terrible Secret Santa gift last year. Is now the time for revenge?
For last year’s family Secret Santa, I received a bygone duty-free bottle of Kahlúa, complete with an inch of dust and torn label. As a non-drinker, I was hurt at the lack of consideration. I have since worked out who the giver was. With Christmas soon upon us, should I rig it so that last year’s Kahlúa gifter becomes this year’s receiver?
D.B., Keperra, Qld
IllustrationCredit:Simon Letch
A: For readers who’ve never heard of Secret Santa, it’s a traditional Christmas gift-swapping game that also goes by the name Kris Kringle or White Elephant or “Bloody Hell, I Gave A Box Of Quality Praline Chocolates And All I Got Was A Car-Wash Sponge In The Shape Of A Kidney! RIPPED %$#@ ORRRRRFFFF!”
I once got roped into a Secret Santa and it’s a horrible game that rewards the cruel and heartless (my friends) while preying on the sweet and vulnerable (me). I received an enormous, gift-wrapped, bar-fridge-sized box, which made me very excited because I thought someone had bought me an actual bar fridge (a budget-priced bar fridge that somehow followed the “$20 or less” limit).
But when I opened the box, there were just foam peanuts inside and, right down the bottom, a tiny bottle of bubble-blowing mixture. Without a blower. Oh, how everyone laughed. Yeah, Secret Santa is such good fun: it really captures the Christmas spirit of peace, love and goodwill to all mankind.
So if, like me, you harbour bitterness about Secret Santas and you’re thirsty for sickly sweet, Kahlúa-flavoured revenge, then yes, give back the gift that keeps on giving. Rig the game so that dusty old Kahlúa bottle goes back to the original giver. And if you gift-wrap it inside an empty box of upmarket French Champagne, it’ll add a delightful Christmassy dash of utter disappointment.
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