Including non-binary people doesn't mean excluding anyone else
I can’t remember exactly when I first heard the term non-binary. Growing up I knew that I wasn’t a boy, and it seemed quite apparent to me from an early age that being a girl resonated far more.
I came out as a trans woman at age 17, which was over ten years ago, and the term non-binary wasn’t nearly as commonly known as it is now.
While being a woman is something that’s always fitted me best, being non-binary is also something that I deeply connect to, as I have never experienced my gender in a simple, clear cut way.
So for me it’s a complex relationship, but it makes me so happy that society is opening up to different ways of seeing gender.
That’s why I’m happy we have things like non-binary awareness week this week, which is where we give focus and voice to non-binary people and encourage people to learn more and hear the stories of non-binary people.
Being non-binary simply means identifying outside of the gender binary of men and women — it means that you can experience your gender as a mix of both, neither or fluid in between.
Growing up, I wish there had been a lot more awareness about the term ‘non-binary’ because it would’ve undoubtedly helped me and other people come to terms with our identities sooner. To me non-binary simply means that I see my gender as more complex than a clear cut binary between being a man or a woman.
While I have always felt a deep affinity with being a woman and my experiences in life are largely coloured by being one, I also feel that my identity is more complex and not as clear cut.
Even though the term has certainly gained traction in the last few years, there have always been people in cultures all around the world that have defied the binary of gender and experienced their own gender in a multitude of ways.
Many indigenous cultures across the world have different ways of seeing gender, such as the Two-Spirit in indigenous North American culture, the Hijra in India, the Muxes in Mexico, the Sekrata in Madagascar, Bugis in Indonesia and far more.
All of these have their own cultural nuances and intricacies that have developed over many years – so while none of them are the same, they offer us a window into how multi-faceted gender can be.
Who we are isn’t governed by the clothes we wear, or what body parts we have
When thinking about non-binary issues, it’s also important to be able to separate gender identity and gender expression. The former is your inner sense of self, while the latter is how you express yourself outwardly.
We all have a gender expression, whether that’s feminine, masculine, androgynous or a mix of all three.
But that doesn’t mean non-binary people all look androgynous. Just like we have men who dress in a feminine way, and women who dress in a masculine way, non-binary people can also take on a multitude of expressions.
That’s because who we are isn’t governed by the clothes we wear, or what body parts we have. We all have an inner sense of our gender and this is something that becomes more apparent for transgender people – including non-binary people – when the gender and sex they were assigned at birth don’t match how they experience themselves.
When you’ve never had to question your gender, words like ‘gender identity’ and ‘gender expression’ might seem quite alien, but that’s because most people conform to society’s ideas of what men and women are expected to look like, dress and experience themselves.
It’s the same when it comes to heterosexuality – before we started talking about different sexualities, most people never even used a word to describe being straight, and were resistant to being ‘given a label’.
The same is now happening when people use the term ‘cisgender’, which is a term to describe those whose gender identity matches the sex and gender they were assigned at birth.
No one’s expecting people to go around announcing that they are straight and cisgender all the time. But in context of areas like human rights, privilege and discrimination, these terms become useful tools to describe people’s place in society.
Another thing I wish people would realise is that just because non-binary people are calling for recognition, it doesn’t mean we want anyone to change who they are. All non-binary people want is to be recognised and included, and feel free to express themselves as who they are – just as men and women can.
Calls for accommodation in language, such as using ‘passengers’ or ‘guests’, ‘ladies, gentlemen and everyone else’ instead of just ‘ladies and gentlemen’ is therefore not erasure of anyone, but an inclusion of more people.
The same goes for terms such as ‘pregnant people’ or ‘people with a uterus’ – it isn’t an attempt to erase women.
Those terms are used to try and encompass everyone that has a uterus or can get pregnant, such as trans men and non-binary people. This is simply a matter of making sure everyone is included.
This doesn’t mean that those who are women can’t call themselves women – it just means that in a specific context, those terms are appropriate to use to encompass everyone who can get pregnant or have a uterus.
Women can still identify themselves as women and talk about being a pregnant woman, or talk about other pregnant women – but in the context of law, access to health care and when treating different people, we need to be aware of these nuances.
A comparison I often find useful is that when equal marriage was being discussed, a lot of people that were against it said that their rights were being taken away – when in fact, more people were being afforded the same rights they had. When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality can often feel like oppression.
I wish people would realise that language like this is simply about making sure we all feel included in society. Non-binary people just want to be a part of society in the same way as everyone else.
This is already happening in various parts of the world – such as Iceland, where I’m from – where people can now register their legal gender as non-binary. These are some of the first steps towards societal inclusion and recognition, and I hope that countries like the UK seriously consider what sort of a society we want to create.
Because a society of freedom of expression, inclusion and acceptance is always going to be a better society than those that vilify, exclude and demoralise those who are simply trying to be themselves.
So I hope that this week more people will take the chance to really learn about our identities, what it means, and how we can all benefit from expanding our horizons. I hope more people will open up to the idea that non-binary people require legal recognition in order to fully and authentically be themselves in society.
Instead of seeing the expansion of gender as a negative thing, I want us to start seeing it as something everyone can benefit from.
By allowing more freedom for others, it also allows everyone more freedom in their expression. It means that we don’t have to suppress how we want to be, dress or express ourselves in terms of gender.
That simply means that we can all live as the women, men and non-binary people we know ourselves to be, in a way that makes us comfortable in our own skin.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
Share your views in the comments below.
Source: Read Full Article