Intimacy expert's TEN sex tips to save your relationship

TEN sex tips to save your relationship: Intimacy expert’s advice to ‘jump start’ libidos and keep the flame alive

• Dr Britney Blair claims these secrets are the key to saving your relationship 
• Psychologist from the U.S., believes following these could transform your sex life

An intimacy expert shares her ten sex tips to save your relationship and ‘jump start’ libidos’  – and it all starts with ‘communication’. 

Clinical psychologist Dr Britney Blair, from Stanford University School of Medicine, in the U.S., claims following her advice could improve your relationship in the long run and resolve problems in the bedroom.

For more of Dr Blair’s sexual wellness advice, people can visit the Lover app, which describes itself as ‘a personal trainer for your sex life’.

Lover offers guidance through both audio and video content and provides exercise techniques for millions of people globally developed by Dr Blair with a team of sexual medicine experts.

Alongside two other co-founders, Jas Bagniewski and Nick Pendle, Dr Blair manages the app and works as chief science officer. She specialises in sexual health and is the founder of northern California’s largest group of independent sexual health clinics.

Clinical psychologist Dr Britney Blair, from Stanford University School of Medicine, shares her professional tips on how to improve sex and your relationships 

Lover co-founders (from left): Jas Bagniewski, Dr. Britney Blair and Nick Pendle

Dr Blair has drawn on more than a decade of clinical experience to create these top ten sex tips that are the key to keeping couples together. 

Communication 

‘Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. You are not a mind-reader, and neither is your partner. Make communication about your relationship and your sex life a regular practice. 

‘If you want to talk about something vulnerable – for example, something that is not going so well or something you want more of – consider having that conversation while driving or on a hike. It’s easier to be vulnerable when you’re not making eye contact.’

Be spontaneous with your partner  

‘Don’t wait until you want. It is normal for ‘spontaneous’ desire/libido to dip after six-12 months into a monogamous relationship for both men and women. 

‘However, by choosing to engage erotically with your partner, you can actually ‘jump start’ your sexual desire.’

Prioritise pleasure 

‘Decrease the pressure on sexual performance (e.g., getting an erection or having an orgasm) and really focus on pleasuring yourself and your partner… whatever that looks like for you!’

Schedule sex

‘Clinical research suggests that sex two times per week is correlated with the highest relationship and life satisfaction. But life will get in the way. 

‘As un-sexy as it may sound, scheduling time to erotically connect with your partner will send the signal that you are both prioritising this aspect of your relationship, it will build sexy anticipation and will pay off big time with increased relationship satisfaction.’ 

Focus on the attitude of gratitude

Too often in relationships, we focus on what is not going well. Criticism can cut away at your connection (and is definitely NOT sexy). Notice and then express gratitude for the things that your partner is doing for you or for the relationship. This expression has to be sincere AND specific.

Dr Blair says the key to a healthy relationship is communication – she advised that for vulnerable topics, it’s best to have the conversation without eye contact (stock image) 

Nurture independent hobbies and relationships  

Foster hobbies, activities, relationships outside of your partnership. A healthy level of independence is crucial in navigating a long-term relationship. Each partner will differ in the amount of closeness or distance desired, don’t take this personally!

Navigate differences

‘Every successful relationship depends on the couple’s ability to navigate differences. Communication and compromise are key but both partners need to be communicating and compromising. If this falls on one side, resentment can develop.’

Touch one another  

‘Hold hands. Make out. Don’t fall into a touch rut! Have moments when you agree you’re just going to make out and nothing more sexual will happen.’

Spend quality time together 

‘Have quality time together… not involving any sexual activity. 

‘Make sure you are having uninterrupted – no phones, TV, kids, job talk, finance talk, critical talk – time together every week. Even if it’s for 15 minutes.’

Create a sacred sanctuary in the bedroom 

‘Make sure your bedroom is a place associated with calm and desire. Think about lighting, textures, colors that facilitate calm and sensuality. Think more soft music and candles and less pizza boxes, unpaid bills, doom scrolling and dirty laundry.

‘Avoid arguing in the bedroom, if at all possible. This space should be held sacred for sex or sleep.’

An essential part of increasing desire in the bedroom is to make it a place associated with calm, according to the intimacy expert 

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