Ive never bonked my wife – on honeymoon she announced she doesnt like sex
My new wife announced on our honeymoon that she doesn’t like sex.
She insisted the hotel manager swap our double room for one with twin beds and then added that she would require her own bedroom at home.
Now we’re back and our marriage is still not consummated.
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My workmates make “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” jokes about all the sex we must be enjoying.
They call me a lucky devil. While my sisters want to know when our first baby will be born because they’re desperate to be aunties. Fat chance of that…
I’m mortified and very confused. Why didn’t she mention her aversion to passion before we said, “I do”?
We met online last year. Our relationship was conducted virtually because of the distance.
I asked her to marry me before we’d even met in person. But she was so friendly and so kind that it seemed the natural thing to do.
She organised our wedding remotely and paid close attention to every detail. I held her in my arms for the first time just a month before the ceremony.
But she insisted on “no sex before marriage”. Well, we haven’t had sex after marriage either…
Every time I lean in to touch her, she moves away. Any time she needs to undress, she goes into the bathroom and comes out wearing the kind of buttoned up nightie my great gran used to wear. Talk about passion killer.
I’m learning that she’s not much of a communicator. I ask her if she fancies me or finds me repulsive and she just shrugs.
I’ve tried to hint that I love and desire her and would enjoy expressing that love physically.
But she has put up a barrier that I’m struggling to knock down, let alone get around.
This is the not the kind of relationship that I signed up to. None of my ex-girlfriends were like this. I’ve got a horrible feeling that I’ve made a dreadful mistake. What’s my next move?
JANE SAYS: I wonder if your new wife suffered badly as a child or younger woman. Was she mistreated, let down or told that sex is dirty?
Hinting that you love and desire her isn’t enough, you need to have more serious, honest conversations with her about how you’re feeling.
Is she willing to open up? What can she tell you about previous relationships with family members or partners?
She needs to understand that sex is a joyful and healthy part of an adult
union. Getting naked together and consummating your marriage isn’t dirty or wrong.
Be gentle, be prepared to listen and acknowledge you may have more difficult conversations and times ahead.
However, if you both accept that you really aren’t suited to each other after all, then vow to be adult about cutting your losses and going your separate ways.
Don’t worry about telling family and friends the truth because there’s no shame in admitting that mistakes were made.
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