‘Like Prince Harry I used therapy to heal buried trauma after my body attacked itself’

2023-01-20

Natalie Lue took matters into her own hands after developing the same immune condition that robbed Silent Witness star Emilia Fox, actor James McAvoy and King William-Alexander of the Netherlands of their good health. Here, with echoes of the Duke of Sussex dealing with buried trauma, she explains how she has reclaimed her life…

“Prince Harry has spoken of the benefits of using therapy to heal his suppressed emotional trauma – and he's right, it can be invaluable. I, unfortunately learned this the hard way after my immune system attacked healthy organs, leaving me struggling with my eyesight and with severe joint pain.

It was the summer of 2003, shortly before my 26th birthday, when I found a small, hard lump in my finger. I remember thinking, uh oh, I hope this isn’t cancer, and then shoving the thought away as I did with anything that felt too real or difficult. I’d recently finished uni, broken off my engagement, moved twice, started a new job, and was infatuated with a colleague – it didn’t feel like a “good time” to be ill. Weeks later, I woke up with extreme light sensitivity in my left eye. When it stopped within a few days, I shoved that away too.

Over that autumn, the frequency of what I came to call these “mystery flare-ups” in my eye accelerated. Two GPs dismissed me, and after returning on the urgent recommendation of an optician, another claimed it was “just conjunctivitis”. Apparently, I was “being a hypochondriac”.

By November, I could barely see. I felt powerless and terrified of what was happening. Within weeks, I experienced a severe enough flare-up that, finally, a different GP referred me to the emergency eye unit at North Middlesex Hospital. After prescribing steroid treatment and booking lots of tests, they asked if I’d found any lumps. Embarrassed, I mentioned the finger. On examining me, they discovered I was riddled with them – including in my head. The x-ray of my chest was full of shadows. I was later diagnosed with sarcoidosis, an incurable inflammatory disease that causes the immune system to overreact and effectively start attacking the body.

Over the first half of 2004, the disease took over. Flare-ups started in my right eye, my lung capacity shrank, and I had severe joint pain. It was agony to get out of bed, climb stairs, and do the basics. Still, while traipsing in and out of hospital for various tests most weeks and putting steroid drops in my eyes every hour, I strived to hide my illness at work and focused on overperforming.

In June 2004, when my spleen became grossly enlarged, I had to start a year-long course of steroid treatment to force my immune system into submission. While it suppressed the symptoms, the side effects included moon face, damage to my skin and teeth, and memory loss. After completing the course, the symptoms rushed back within a month, which was when my consultant advised that I had no choice but to go on steroids for life to avoid pulmonary heart failure by the age of 40.

Until that moment, I’d done whatever doctors said, but the shocking prognosis awakened something in me, and I said “No!”. I realised that I needed to fight for myself, for my life, and that they had no clue why I had the disease or how to stop it. I told him I’d explore alternative options and promised to keep up with my appointments and start steroid treatment if these didn’t work. Eight months later, after investing in Five Element Acupuncture, kinesiology and, critically, taking care of myself by finally creating healthy boundaries and beginning to address my past, I was in remission – and have remained so.

Something I quickly came to understand after that appointment is that we’re not separate from our bodies, pasts, or choices. My suppression of emotions and trauma, along with using people-pleasing and perfectionism to navigate life and be in relationships with emotionally unavailable and shady people, took an enormous, life-threatening toll on my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well-being. Sarcoidosis forced me to finally pay attention to and take care of myself instead of ignoring and exploiting me in the name of “bettering” myself, “pleasing” others, and being “loved”.

In September 2005, a month after the consultant’s appointment, I started my blog Baggage Reclaim with the mission of helping others break the cycle of toxic relationships and recognising the impact of emotional baggage, including trauma and severe emotional stress, on the body.

If you tend to ignore, dismiss and override yourself, your body and life will go to extraordinary lengths to get your attention and slow you down. Notice where, for instance, you rely on illness or catastrophe to finally give you permission to say no to others. Acknowledge where you’re settling for crumbs, whether from yourself or others.

Often we are going so fast or so used to ignoring ourselves that we have no clue how we’re feeling or what we need. Feeling your feelings is crucial to your well-being, but various experiences have possibly contributed to your suppressing and repressing your needs, desires, expectations, feelings and opinions in the name of being “pleasing”. Get into a dialogue with yourself by asking How am I doing today?

Whatever challenge or issue you’re experiencing, rather than pushing on or shaming and criticising you, pause. Ask yourself, What is this situation telling me about where I need to say no?

I did experience anxiety for the first few years of remission around yearly check-up time, but then those stopped, and I’ve now learned to trust that if I endeavour to listen to and take care of myself, my body won’t need to go to such extreme lengths to get my attention."

The Joy of Saying No by Natalie Lue is published by Harper Horizon on 19 January, £22.

READ MORE

Click here for today's top showbiz news
Meghan and Kate's relationship 'doomed' from moment one got priority in designer's queue
Harry and Meghan 'not welcome' at BAFTA tea party after Royal Family fallout over memoir
King Charles wants to 'stay away from bitter Prince Harry battle' amid new fears
Get exclusive celebrity stories and shoots straight to your inbox with OK!'s daily newsletter

Source: Read Full Article