Mum accused of 'wanting daughter's friend to be her carer' after op

2022-09-07

Mother who wants her daughter’s friend to push her wheelchair around school while she recovers from surgery is criticised by other parents who say she can’t expect the child to be a ‘carer’

Mother on Mumsnet explained she want ed her child moved to a different class
Asked if she was unreasonable for wanting daughter and her best pal together
Came ahead of daughter undergoing surgery which will see her in a wheelchair
But other parents warned ‘you can’t expect this other child to act as her carer’

A UK-based mother has been taken to task after saying she wants her daughter moved to a different class so a friend can care for her following a major surgery – with other parents warning that she can’t ‘expect this other child to act as her carer’.

The mother explained on Mumsnet that her daughter is just starting secondary school and the parent is concerned that she won’t have a chance to make friends due to major surgery, which will result in the need for a wheelchair.

She wants to ask the school if her daughter could be moved to a form with her best friend from primary school.

Yet the mother was immediately jumped on by other parents, who said she wanted to use her daughter’s friend as a ‘carer’ to ‘push her daughter around the school’.

The unnamed mother said: ‘Hi all, my daughter has just started high school and has been separated from her best friend. They are in no classes together and she doesn’t get along with the only girl from primary school she is in form with.

‘My daughter is about to have major surgery end of September/October where they’re going to break through her both thigh bones and reset them with plates and screws.

‘When she goes back to school she will be in a wheelchair and will need a lot of help moving around school.

‘Would it be reasonable for me to ask for her to be moved forms to be with her best friend?

‘I’m also worried friendship groups are going to be made whilst she is at home in bed for six weeks and she is going to come back and have no friends in her class.

‘Am I being unreasonable to ask for her to be moved form to be with her best friend?,’ concluded the mother.

One person responded by saying: ‘At our school they are only in form for 15 minutes at start of day so I wouldn’t bother.

‘They can see each other at break and lunch. If they don’t have lessons together anyway I don’t see it would make much difference to be in same form.’

But others were more direct and said they ‘wouldn’t be happy’ if they were the parent of the best friend.

Most of the commenters were concerned for the wellbeing of the best friend, and think that the mother was seeking a ‘carer’ for her daughter and that it would be ‘unfair’ of the friend to be responsible for her

One poster said: ‘I am sorry but I wouldn’t be happy that my child would be expected to push your daughter around the school. Wheelchairs are heavy and paid carers get trained in how to safely handle them.

‘They aren’t in the same lessons so would mean the other child would miss parts of their lesson in order to get them both into lessons on time. The other person could also find themselves in detention for arriving late.

‘What happens if they are both on different lunch breaks? As they are usually staggered at secondary. Or if the other person is absent? Would she need help transferring from the wheelchair to the toilet?

‘You need to talk to the school about the care needs your daughter will require now so they can implement something that doesn’t involve another student.

Some people felt that it’s up to the secondary school to make sure the poster’s daughter is OK

‘Friendship groups also change during secondary so even if they were in the same form room, either of them might make new friends.’

A few suggested they may have been separated ‘on purpose’ prior to starting school, unbeknownst to the mother or her daughter.

Another said: ‘Sorry your daughter has to undergo this procedure but I agree that it’s unfair to expect another child to take responsibility for her during the day. Perhaps there is a reason why they have been split up.

‘Encourage your daughter to make new friends before her surgery. She can keep in touch with them via WhatsApp etc. Do you have a plan in place with the school for how she will get around after the six weeks?’

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