My ex had the cheek to blame our split on me when she'd been having an affair | The Sun
DEAR DEIDRE: MY lying ex blamed our split on my behaviour – but all the while she was having an affair with the husband of one of her friends.
Although I know I’m well rid of her I’m finding it hard get past my feelings of anger and pain, especially as we have a child together so I can’t purge her from my life.
I’m 38 and she’s 36.
We were together for ten years until the start of this year and have a son of six.
Things started going bad in our relationship about two years ago.
She would pick fights with me for no reason, accusing me of looking at her funny or not listening to her, or buying the wrong food item at the supermarket.
We’d end up in a screaming row, and I’d sometimes say things I regretted. I always apologised.
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We stopped having sex. She was never interested but she made out it was because I wasn’t a good lover, or I didn’t make her feel attractive enough.
Now I can see she was trying to wind me up so I’d look like the bad person.
Eventually, it came out that she’d been having an affair with her friend’s husband for over a year.
It started in lockdown. Her now ex-friend found out and rang to tell me. It was a devastating call.
I confronted my ex and she said I’d driven her to it. I agreed to move out because she needed the house for our son.
Since then I’ve been miserable and lonely.
I’m the innocent party but I’m the one who has lost my home and family unit.
I still have to see her when I pick up our son. She is always very cold towards me.
I feel I never really knew her.
How can I get over this and learn to trust anyone again?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Sometimes, when people want out of a relationship, they try to push their partner to behave badly as a way of denying responsibility or avoiding guilt.
It sounds like this is what your ex did. And frankly, you are better off without her. But that doesn’t make her betrayal hurt less, especially as you now can’t live full-time with your son.
Do make sure you talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Alternatively, a counsellor could help you to work through this.
Contact relate.org.uk. My support pack, Mend Your Broken Heart, should also be helpful.
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