Relationship expert reveals how to stop spats in less than a MINUTE

2022-07-20

How to stop a heatwave argument in its tracks: As couples bicker more in soaring temperatures, relationship expert shares six ways to keep your cool – from never answering an angry text to IGNORING what they say

People becoming more hot tempered as they struggle to deal with the heat
British expert Tina Wilson explained that our bodies go into ‘fight or flight’ mode
She reveals six effective yet practical tips to stop an disagreement in its tracks

It’s not only the temperature that is rising this summer. A relationship expert has warned that people become increasingly hot tempered as they struggle to deal with the heat, leading to more arguments.

British Wingman Founder Tina Wilson explained that our bodies go into ‘fight or flight’ mode as we try to cope with the heat and humidity – but we then often channel this energy in the wrong way and end up taking out our frustrations on other people, normally our loved ones.

This is why it can be common to have an argument with your other half on holiday; it is easy to start bickering when the heat impacts us and this can escalate into an argument as we find it more challenging mentally to resolve the situation, no matter how trivial.

In these scenarios it is important to put things into perspective. Sharing her advice with FEMAIL, Tina said you should never refuse to talk to your partner during an argument, and should offer to take a walk together to help resolve the issue.

Follow these six effective yet practical tips to stop an disagreement in its tracks…

UK relationship expert Tina Wilson told FEMAIL our bodies go into ‘fight or flight’ mode as we try to cope with the heat, leading to more arguments. Stock image

1. BUY YOURSELF TIME TO THINK

Take a break from the confrontation by telling the other person you ‘want to think about things’. This is a clever way of ending a fight immediately without having to do much to dispel things in the heat of the moment.

Thinking about things and gaining some perspective is also genuinely a productive way of making amends until you both decide to sit down and talk maturely.

It ultimately shows your partner that you are taking their concerns seriously and are not simply dismissing them.

Tip: Try going for a walk either together or on your own to clear your head and relieve any tension and stress before talking.

Light exercise is effective in releasing stress and can give you clarity, so you should definitely put this into action. You will come home with a new perspective and likely both have moved on from the disagreement.

2. DON’T USE STONEWALLING AS A TACTIC

For whatever reason, whether intentional or unintentional, don’t stonewall by shutting down and refusing to talk to your partner.

This can be in the form of ignoring or avoiding the person you are in a disagreement with. This does not resolve anything and can only cause more problems.

Tip: Try and meet each other on an emotional level instead of putting up a barrier. Distract yourself from the argument and once you have both calmed down talk things through another time when you have had a chance to digest why one of you is upset.

It will likely blow over and an issue or problem was exaggerated with the heat.

3. SAY ‘I’M SORRY’

Highly likely the most powerful words you can use for impact. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ can help stop a row instantly because it shows compassion, understanding, mutual respect or/and owning up to and taking responsibility.

It is great tool to disperse tension by improving communication and slow the row down to almost 0. It really shows you care and if you love one another then being the bigger person should be important to you in this situation.

Tip: Let your partner get things off their chest, be a good listener and then follow with your heartfelt expression. Sometimes we just need to listen to our partners. It’s not always necessary to agree – just listen and let it go.

WHAT YOU SHOULD NEVER DO

The relationship expert revealed her top tips for what you should never do when in an argument with your loved one…

Shout or keep raising your voice
Get other people involved or air your dirty laundry in public
Present evidence of some sort to catch them out – this will only feel like an ambush and bring up trust issues
Act like a dog with a bone by not giving the other person breathing space – the worst action is to the follow them around from room to room – it will just provoke a reaction
Check your body language – it may seem trivial but if you are standing in a confrontational way or crossed armed looking like you are ready for a heated confrontation, words aren’t so impactful

4. READ BETWEEN THE LINES

In the heat of the moment words can get slung around as two people shout and become angry with each other.

But try to not get fixated on what is actually being said and read between the lines in the current situation.

Usually, there is an underling reason for the disagreement. Perhaps they feel unloved, under appreciated or insecure?

Figure out the root cause of why your loved one is feeling upset with you to help you work through the disagreement without prolonging it.

Tip: Try not to react to words said in the heat of the moment, instead you should be sympathetic and understanding of their feelings.

You will be surprised how quickly you can disperse a heated argument using this simple yet highly effective method.

5. ONLY TALK FACE-TO-FACE

Starting or continuing an argument via text or phone will only make your disagreement spiral further.

It is so easy to fall into this trap as technology is easy to use and can be done with little effort.

However, you will only end up making matters worse by potentially regretting what they have sent in a text message or call. It can be very upsetting if you are on the receiving end and the action won’t help resolve the disagreement. It also takes away context, emotion and tone.

Texting in particular can also be extremely easy to take things out of context which is not productive when you are trying to resolve a fight. Neither is sending a barrage of angry emojis.

Only communicate face-to-face so you can look each other in the eyes and take vital clues from observing each others expressions etc, such as, sadness or upset. Otherwise things can quickly escalate.’

Tip: If you find yourself in the middle on a text argument, stop yourself from reacting and say you love them and let’s talk in person. It is one of the best things you can say to end a row instantly.

6. STOP MOANING

In the heat in particular it can be natural to feel grumpy and everything can get on your nerves. In these instances it can be easy to pile your frustration on others around you and bring down the atmosphere.

The moaner will feel an array of emotions from feeling anxious, tired, helpless, frustrated and seek attention. Unable to manage their feelings they tend to dump on others.

The person on the receiving end of the moaning will become increasingly tired of hearing about it and tempers may get the better of you both.

Try and be conscious and pay attention to how vocal you are being if you are struggling. Try and be balanced in your communications. Likewise, if your loved one is excessively moaning, don’t instantly dismiss them as this will make them feel even less in control.

Be understanding and use tactics to advert or distract them by suggesting an activity or helping them find ways to feel more comfortable.

Tip: Remind yourself that excessively sharing your feelings will drain your energy levels and those around you.

It can have a negative impact on your wellbeing and affect your relationships with those around you. Keep your perspective.

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