‘There’s no cure for my depression but here’s how I’ve learned to cope’

The number of adults living with depression has risen since the pandemic with a reported one in six now doing their best to muddle through dark days.

Some manage to wear a fake smile and carry on, seemingly “fine” from the outside but in turmoil inside. Others are bedbound and give themselves UTIs because even getting up to go to the bathroom is an insurmountable slog.

What's more, celebrities including Frankie Bridge and Cara Da La Hoyde are among those who have bravely shone a light on the realities of living with the illness.

And in January, depressive symptoms can feel worse than ever. But while there’s no cure (yet) for depression, there are ways to make it more manageable. Whether it’s you or a loved one struggling, this is the advice author Kate Lucey has found helpful over the years…

Stay in bed

Too often, we’re encouraged to leap out of bed, spring into life and skip through a meadow as though we’re in a tampon advert. But if your body and brain are both telling you to lie down in the dark for a few hours – and you have the means to – then just give in and do it.

Depression is exhausting and sleep is restorative. Sometimes we’re so knackered from battling depression we’re unable to do much else. Let yourself be “put on charge” for a while. There’s really nothing wrong with that.

Use emoji ‘help’ codes

It’s hard to tell someone that life feels too heavy, that you can’t see a reason to be alive and you’re not interested in anything. It’s intimidating to admit you’re overwhelmed with sadness and are doing everything to avoid constantly bursting into tears. But it’s easy to send someone an emoji.

When I was living with my ex, if I sent him an emoji of a raincloud in response to a “how’s it going?” text, he knew that the emoji was saying everything I couldn’t – and that I needed some alone time.

Know that memes do help

This seems trivial but there are so many Instagram accounts that talk about mental illness in such a relatable way that their posts help me to feel less alone.

Sometimes they even prompt a small chuckle – no mean feat when you’re feeling like you want to disappear.

Focus on today

Everything seems too much when you believe you’ll never feel peace or happiness again. Try not to think long-term. Limit yourself to, “What would make me feel better in the next few hours?” or, “What do I need today?” The entire future is way too long and intimidating to deal with.

Acknowledge your needs

I need to be left alone when I’m feeling especially low, but other people need to be distracted with silly jokes or an activity, while some might feel soothed with a bath or watching an old series of Friends under a blanket.

Maybe there’s a specific food or tea that helps you feel comforted, or music. If there’s nothing that will help and you just need silence and time, acknowledge that, too.

‘I remember the sunny days will always return’

Kate is also open about her experience living with depression. Here she explains how she’s learned to live with her “mental hailstorms”…

“Depression is like weather. Sometimes it’s awful for weeks and then you get an unexpected sunny intermission. Sometimes it’s glorious and then, bam, the rain falls out of nowhere.

For a long time, I was in the thick of a hailstorm with my mental health. I’ve since discovered that just because I have some sunny days, it doesn’t mean the hailstorms are gone – and they often come back when I’m not expecting them.

“Will I be depressed forever?” is something I’ve googled in the small hours of the morning countless times, manically scrolling to find something that says, “Nah, you’ll be OK if you wear a blue dress on a Tuesday and eat pickled onion Monster Munch.” Of course, there’s no such cure.

When I’m in the storm, I can’t think clearly. I just want to get out. This, of course, means suicidal thoughts. It’s hard to see any other option when your brain has put big depressed blinkers on your eyes and you can only see the gloom.

But when I have lighter times, I make notes in my phone of what I find soothing and comforting. I’ll message someone close to me, telling them that if I send them something dark in the future, please can they call me and talk to me about completely normal things, like their day at work or their pet. Please can they remind me that I’m loved. That I’m needed. That there’s no need to get out of the hailstorm and that the sunny days will come back.

And they always do. I appreciate the sunny days so much now and make sure I use them to check in with myself about what I’m going to need to do next time a storm comes.”

Kate’s book Get A Grip, Love (HarperCollins HQ, £14.99) is out now.

Depression is a serious mental illness and should be treated as such. Your GP can refer you for talking therapies and/or medication. You can also call the Samaritans 24/7 on 116123.

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