What should I tell my partner if IBS is getting in the way of our sex life?

Do your unruly bowels ever get in the way of your would-be thriving sex life? You’re not alone, sis. 

Research by natural supplement company Wild Dose found that, for 62% of people with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), bloating has an impact on their action between the sheets.

On top of that, it found that 25% of men and 22% of women will avoid sex due to their IBS symptoms, with a similar number making up excuses instead of giving the full truth.

It’s understandable – IBS is kind of taboo, and not many people appreciate hearing about bowel movements and trapped wind. 

That being said, it’s important to be honest with your partner when you aren’t able or don’t want to have sex, especially in a serious relationship.

‘If you make excuses for why you don’t want to have sex, it can make your partner feel unwanted, or that there is something wrong with them,’ says Jessica Alderton, a dating expert and founder of dating app So Syncd.

‘This can lead to feelings of insecurity and even resentment, which can strain the relationship,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.

‘Even though it may be a hard conversation to have, it’s important to let them know that you are sexually attracted to them and there are other factors at play that impact your desire to have sex.’

What is Irritable Bowel Syndrome?

Dr. Hana Patel, GP and mental health coach says: ‘IBS is a digestive condition that causes bloating, stomach pain and cramping, a change to your bowel movements – such as diarrhoea, constipation or both – and excessive wind.

‘It affects around one in five people in the UK, two thirds of whom are women.

‘While the exact causes are unknown, IBS is linked to things like food passing through your gut too quickly or too slowly, oversensitive nerves in your gut, stress and a family history of IBS. 

‘IBS can be managed, usually by changes to your diet and lifestyle, such as eating a balanced diet, exercising, staying hydrated and managing stress.’

How to speak to your partner about IBS

Trust us, we get it. No one wants to go into the gory details of their IBS with a partner, especially when they’re trying to make a move on you.

But once it’s out of the way, you’ll be glad you did.

Jessica recommends being honest, open and direct: ‘You shouldn’t feel pressure to tell people you date about your IBS straight away, but if you see a future with this person and your condition is impacting your relationship, it’s a good idea to talk about it sooner rather than later,’ she says. 

It’s important to explain what IBS is and how it affects you personally. 

‘Some people with IBS may experience symptoms only once in a while, while others may experience more frequent flare-ups,’ Jessica adds. 

‘Be honest with your partner about how much support you need, even if that’s just you knowing that they are there for you to talk to.’

‘The right person will respect that, and they’ll be supportive. They’ll appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. 

‘Healthy, lasting relationships are built on a foundation of open communication – by letting them know about your condition, you’ll be able to build a stronger connection because you’ll be able to have more honest conversations.’

Finally, remember that IBS is far from unusual: it impacts around 20% of us in the UK alone. 

If your partner can’t handle a slightly TMI conversation about bowel movements, maybe they aren’t the one.

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