Why are my friends congratulating me for getting a boyfriend in my 30s?

Last month, I shared a photo of myself and my boyfriend on social media.

Having been single for almost a decade – not counting fleeting romances, f***boys and breadcrumbing scenarios – I knew my friends and family would be curious.

But I hadn’t expected the barrage of messages that followed, many of which seemed to insinuate that I should thank my lucky stars because here he was – the remedy to my solo existence.

It’s worth noting that I am in my 30s, an age society deems women to be past their (so-called) prime.

‘I’m glad you finally found someone,’ wrote one friend, who has been on at least one date a week for the past year.

‘Awww that’s great, congrats,’ said someone else, who I hadn’t spoken to in almost a year and who has been unlucky in love for a long time.

It wasn’t just single people who sent bizarre messages laced with what seemed more like envy than well-wishes.

Fellow couples, who noticed that we were spending a lot of time together after I shared more photos of our dates, expressed that we were moving awfully quickly, even though I hadn’t asked for their opinion.

I even heard from two exes, both recently having broken up with their respective others, who thought the news was ‘amazing’. Yeah, I bet.

Meanwhile, my 32-year-old boyfriend uploaded the same image and his replies were vastly different from mine; most were questions about how we met or people telling him that he looks really happy. So far, no one has patted him on the back for a job well done, which is infuriating.

Granted, I put myself in the line of fire by sharing the news about our relationship but by the second week of disturbing conversations, I’d had enough.

As yet another friend offered their ‘congratulations’, I firmly told them that while I am happy to have met someone so lovely, I have not been sitting around waiting for him to ‘save’ me.

Similar to my experience, several good friends, either in their 30s or nearing 40 – practically ancient in dating terms – have spoken about the pressure they get from social circles and being told to ‘hold on tight’ to their partner, purely because of their age.

Society is hellbent on pushing these knights in shining armour down our throats, whether we want them or not.

Well, no more. I am fed up with people congratulating me for getting a boyfriend in my 30s. Not only is it insulting and misogynistic, but it also implies that I was half a person before I met my partner.

He isn’t a prize to be won from some kind of raffle either, a notion that’s also insulting to this amazing man who deserves to be recognised for more than his gender.

It’s no big secret that women – sorry, rotting spinsters – are judged far more for their dating choices than men, but I really thought we’d evolved past this, especially given that recent statistics show more of us are choosing to stay single for longer than ever before.

Being alone isn’t something to scoff at – so ask yourself why you care so damn much about someone else’s life choices?

According to research released by the Office of National Statistics in December last year, the number of women not living in a couple and choosing to forgo marriage has increased in every age range under 70.

Being alone isn’t something to scoff at – so ask yourself why you care so damn much about someone else’s life choices? For most people, I imagine their outdated views have more to do with their own fears.

Or perhaps the real reason is about control and what letting go of these beliefs represents.

Marriage used to be a transaction; give me a goat and you can have my wheat, give me two and you can have my daughter. But in 2022, women don’t need a partner to own houses, vote or earn their own money.

For the most part, I loved being single. It allowed me the time I needed to get to know myself, enjoy my own company and realise that I can stand on my own two feet. Ironically, this is also what my boyfriend loves most about me.

That’s not to say I haven’t felt inexplicably lonely at times. Of course I have, I’ve even asked myself if I was the problem (I wasn’t and you aren’t either).

But maybe if society stopped treating women as placeholders in men’s lives, I wouldn’t have felt quite so alone.

Plus, have you tried dating lately? It’s really f***ing hard. Let’s admit that we’re all just flailing around, making mistakes and hoping for the best, whether dating or not.

Your relationship ‘status’ isn’t a status at all. It’s just your current reality that comes with pros and cons, just like everything else.

As for my reality, I’m not going to stop posting photos of myself and my boyfriend anytime soon – but I am going to tell people exactly where they can shove their congratulations.

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