Wife has given permission to have fling and I am worried I will fall for online lover | The Sun
DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife has given me her blessing to have a fling with a woman I met on a gaming site but I’m worried I may fall for her.
We enjoy an open marriage — well at least she does. To date she has had around five affairs that I know of. I have never even had one.
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I’m 46 and my wife’s 42. We’ve been married for ten years.
My wife goes to the gym every day. She is also my carer as I have mobility issues.
She’s usually gone for three or four hours. We rarely spend any time in the same room as I am normally on my Xbox talking with friends.
I have never met any of them, but I consider them good friends.
There’s a woman I chat with on there. I’ve been gaming with her since the beginning of the summer.
We chat and game every day and send one another messages when she is at work. She’s 41.
We speak on the phone too and what started off as a bit of harmless flirting has now progressed.
We want to meet up for a weekend but she lives 100 miles away from me.
My wife has given me the green light, and even encouraged me to go.
But I’m nervous. Since we got married, I haven’t slept with another woman or even wanted to until now.
The problem is if me and this woman get on like we are doing, I may want to leave my wife.
My wife’s children, from her first marriage, are grown up and take little interest in her.
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They rarely visit and I worry she would become suicidal.
I realise I shouldn’t only stay out of guilt but I don’t know what to say to her about it.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You have developed feelings for this woman but you need to explore how much of this is a reaction to the state of your marriage first.
Communication has broken down between you and your wife.
A more connected relationship could improve things dramatically.
Pick a moment to talk to her. Be honest, tell her you’re not happy and then find out how she feels.
Get a good sense of whether your marriage is salvageable before you completely write it off.
Of course you can’t stay with your wife simply because you’re worried about her reaction but you are a long way from that decision yet.
Let’s be realistic at this point, you can’t know whether a relationship with this other woman will work out, nor whether she would be prepared to care for you.
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So please take it a step at a time.
My support pack Torn Between Two Women will help you to think this through.
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