Woman sparks debate after revealing men never ask her about herself

2023-01-19

Men NEVER ask me questions on first dates – is it a sign of male entitlement, or are they just socially awkward?

A woman sparked a debate on Mumsnet saying men never ask her questions
She revealed she met a ‘very interesting’ man but he didn’t ask her one question
She also admitted most men she chats to online are also quite ‘self-obsessed’
Some people claimed they are ‘awkward’ but others said it’s ‘male entitlement’

A British mother has sparked a debate after revealing men never ask her questions about herself on first dates.

The anonymous woman, thought to be UK-based, took to Mumsnet to ask others for their opinion on the topic.

In her post, she revealed she met a ‘very interesting’ man in the park and after they talked for a long time he didn’t ask her a single question.

After she admitted most men she chats to online are also quite ‘self-obsessed’, other users claimed they are probably ‘socially awkward’ while others said it’s a sign of ‘male entitlement’.

A woman sparked a debate on Mumsnet after revealing men never ask her questions about herself on first dates (stock image)

The woman explained in her post: ‘To think a man should ask questions too? Just met a really interesting guy in the park. Spent a couple of hours together after striking up a conversation at the cafe.

‘We’re both single and work in the arts, know some of the same people it turns out. I found him very interesting…..But, he did not ask me a single question.

‘I even had to tell him my name after a long while and tell him what I did for a living after he’d told me all, and I mean ALL about himself.

‘I’ve been single for 3 years and have had a few online dates. TBH, I have found that there are quite a few men out there who talk and talk about themselves, but rarely ask questions and it’s really irritating; (I’m actually pretty interesting too [numb-nuts!])

In her post, she revealed she met a ‘very interesting’ man in the park and after they talked for a long time he didn’t ask her a single question

‘Anyway, he’s suggested dinner and I’d like to go, but feeling uncertain. This could be a sign of his social awkwardness or potentially a tip of the self-obsessed iceberg. If we go to dinner I could try making a joke about ‘ btw feel free to ask me questions too handsome!’

Some people claimed the man was probably just ‘nervous and socially awkward’ therefore he rambled about himself.

One person wrote: ‘He sounds like a bore! Why would you want to spend more time with him?

‘At the very best, he was nervous and socially awkward so maybe another date where you playfully raise that he seems to be doing must of the talking could work. But if it was me, I’d assume he isn’t interested in me as a person and that would seriously turn me off.’

Some people claimed the man was probably just ‘nervous and socially awkward’ therefore he rambled about himself

Another wrote: ‘If you are attracted to him, it is worth having another date because it is very common to have the sort of social awkwardness where you just start rambling on and on.

‘I think it’d be fine to jokingly say, let’s have dinner so I can return the favour and tell you all about me.’

While someone else wrote: ‘That’s often the reason behind men monopolising a conversation to be all about them when it is done intentionally.

‘However, it’s only one date so far and I’ve found that the more genuinely attracted a man is to you, the higher the risk he will be socially awkward and lose his head on the date in terms of being so nervous that he can’t stop talking because of being afraid of awkward silences and really wanting you to like them.

Others thought that it was a sign of ‘male entitlement’ and said that some men tend to just want an ‘audience’ to waffle to

‘So another date might help determine whether what happened was intentional or unintentional.’

A fourth wrote: ”It might be nerves? I tend to waffle and over share when I’m anxious and have to remind myself that I’m in a conversation, not a monologue. Definitely go and have dinner, what have you got to lose?’

Others thought that it was a sign of ‘male entitlement’ and said that some men tend to just want an ‘audience’ to waffle to.

One person wrote: ‘Yes, too many men can be like this. Obviously – women can do it too, but in the specific man/woman interaction you described, it’s definitely a male entitlement thing.

The original poster agreed with some saying she thinks it might be a ‘male privilege thing going on’

‘The kind of man who does it tends not to see women as fully human, or expect them to be interesting, or funny, or talented, or knowledgeable in their own right – they expect a woman to merely be an audience.’

Another said: ‘Oh come on, he didn’t even ask your name!!! Clearly his only requirement for asking someone on a date is that they are prepared to sit quietly and attentively listening to him monologue.’

Meanwhile someone else wrote: ‘You’ve answered your own question. A large amount of men consciously or unconsciously think their own lives, interests and needs are innately more important than those of women (and society has done a lot to encourage this by incentivising women to think their role is primarily to support).

‘A lot of men are also a bit threatened by the idea that women have their own goals, opinions and inner lives. And in fact some of them actively dislike women who ‘talk too much’.

‘To be fair he might also just be naturally selfish or one of those people who lives to fill dead air with chat. I’d maybe give it one more chance in case he was just nervous but treat it as a red flag.’

The original poster replied: ‘Thanks guys. I’ve thought about this and it’s as if there’s a male privilege thing going on: ”I’m male and therefore what I say, do, think and feel is obviously of more relevance and importance; whereas you’re female, you’ll enjoy listening”!

Others mentioned that they find woman tend to only talk about themselves also so it wasn’t a gender issue but more a personality type

‘Obviously, there are many guys out there not at all like this, but I cant be the only woman who’s experienced this many times in her life. It’s too common to not be ‘a thing’ or maybe it’s generational, and younger men are not at all like this. I’m over 50, so it’d be interesting to hear your experiences.’

Meanwhile others mentioned that they find woman tend to only talk about themselves also.

One person wrote: ‘I find generally people prefer to talk about themselves. Conversational skills have gone downhill. Women too are like this a great deal of the time.’

Another agreed saying: ‘I have met lots of people who do this, not just on dates. No I don’t by let’s blame him because he is male and we can use male privilege or whatever the next buzz word is. Males and female both do it, sure it annoys me but not just a male thing.’

While another wrote: ‘This isn’t a gender thing, I know loads of women who suffer from an inability to talk about anyone other than themselves.’

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