Judge's heartbreaking letter to boys after parents' custody battle

2023-02-03

‘I have asked your mum and dad to behave a bit better… and stop the c**p’: Judge’s heartbreaking letter to boys, aged 8 and 11, after parents’ bitter custody battle

Judge John McKendrick was asked to rule on brothers’ custody arrangements
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A judge wrote a heartbreaking letter to two young brothers explaining how he had asked their parents to ‘behave a bit better and stop the c**p’ after their bitter custody battle ended up in court.

Judge John McKendrick was asked to rule on whether the boys, aged 8 and 11, should continue splitting their time between their divorced parents’ houses in London or allow them to move to Somerset with their mother.

The judge heard evidence including the wishes of the two boys, who said they like the idea of moving to Somerset. The elder brother also said: ‘I wish my mum and dad would be back together and stop arguing and all of this c**p that is going on.’

Judge McKendrick ruled that the boys should remain in London rather than moving to Somerset and – to show how decisions are made in family court proceedings – allowed his letter to the youngsters to be published.

Judge John McKendrick was asked to rule on whether the brothers, aged 8 and 11, should continue splitting their time between their divorced parents’ houses in London or allow them to move to Somerset with their mother

The couple divorced in 2017 and it was decided that the boys should live alternate weeks with each parent. In January 2020, the mother bought a home in Somerset and started splitting her time between London and Somerset.

Who is Judge McKendrick?

John McKendrick KC is a lawyer, author and the former attorney general of Anguilla, a British Overseas Territory in the Caribbean.

Born in Alexandria, Scotland, in 1976, he went to school in Glasgow before studying at the London School of Economics, the University of Leuven in Belgium and Oxford.

A tenant of Outer Temple Chambers, he was named Lawyer of the Week in 2019 by The Times after leading the legal team for the mother of a pregnant woman with learning difficulties.

This saw a panel of judges overturn a ruling in the Court of Protection that a termination at 24 weeks was in her best interests.

He now sits as a Deputy High Court Judge, a Recorder, a judge of the Court of Protection and a panel Deemster in the Isle of Man.

In 2007 he published Darien, a history of Scotland’s failed attempts to establish a colony in Central America in the late 1600s.

Judge McKendrick decided the boys should remain in London rather than moving to Somerset, but wanted to explain the decision to them in a way they would understand.

Explaining his decision, he wrote: ‘Dear [A] and [B], my name is John and I am a judge. I met your Mum and Dad at court in London last week. Your mum and dad have asked me to make decisions for you both about where you should live.

‘Your Mum asked me to decide that you should both come and live with her in Somerset and see your Dad only every second weekend and at holidays. Mum wants you to go to schools in Somerset.

‘Your Dad asked me to decide that things should stay as they are. That you spend one week with him and the other week with your Mum in London. Dad wants you to go to schools in London.

‘I think you met a lady called Shelley in July and you told her what you wanted. She told me you both liked the idea of living with your Mum in Somerset. Shelley spoke to me as well last week.’

Judge McKendrick went on to explain the reason for his decision: ‘I hope you both understand that I have made the decision and not your Mum or your Dad. Judges sometimes have to make decisions when parents cannot agree.

‘I have decided you should both continue to live in London with one week in the care of your Dad and then one week in the care of your Mum. This means you will both go to school in London from next week. I have decided you should have nice holidays in Somerset and I will speak with your Mum and Dad again to sort that out.

‘I have made this decision after considering who you both are, what you both need and things like your education, happiness and your welfare. I have decided you need each other – I think you are good brothers to each other.

Judge McKendrick decided the boys should remain in London rather than moving to Somerset, but wanted to explain the decision to them in a way they would understand

‘I also think you need to spend time with your Mum and with your Dad. They both need to play an important role in caring for you. I was worried your Dad might not have a full and proper role in your lives if you lived in Somerset.

‘Looking at all these things in the round I felt this was the best decision for your both, although of course I considered what you both wanted.’

He also addressed the elder boy’s concerns about his parents’ ‘c**p’. He wrote: ‘I have also asked your Mum and Dad to behave a bit better. I know you both find the arguing that happens between them difficult. Although it is a naughty word, [A], you are right to describe it to Shelley as “c**p”. I have told your parents to stop “the c**p”.

‘I hope you can both settle down with the new school term with week about [sic] with Mum and Dad in your London homes. I hope you will enjoy nice holidays in Somerset. I wish you both good luck. Judge John.’

Judge McKendrick gave leave for his judgment – which was made in August last year – to be published, with anonymity for the boys, in order for the public to see how a judgment was made.

‘I have asked your Mum and Dad to behave a bit better’: Judge’s heartbreaking letter in full

Dear [A] and [B], my name is John and I am a judge. I met your mum and dad at court in London last week. Your mum and dad have asked me to make decisions for you both about where you should live.

Your mum asked me to decide that you should both come and live with her in Somerset and see your dad only every second weekend and at holidays. Mum wants you to go to schools in Somerset.

Your dad asked me to decide that things should stay as they are. That you spend one week with him and the other week with your mum in London. Dad wants you to go to schools in London.

I think you met a lady called Shelley in July and you told her what you wanted. She told me you both liked the idea of living with your mum in Somerset. Shelley spoke to me as well last week.

I hope you both understand that I have made the decision and not your mum or your dad. Judges sometimes have to make decisions when parents cannot agree.

I have decided you should both continue to live in London with one week in the care of your dad and then one week in the care of your mum. This means you will both go to school in London from next week. I have decided you should have nice holidays in Somerset and I will speak with your mum and dad again to sort that out.

I have made this decision after considering who you both are, what you both need and things like your education, happiness and your welfare. I have decided you need each other – I think you are good brothers to each other.

I also think you need to spend time with your mum and with your dad. They both need to play an important role in caring for you. I was worried your dad might not have a full and proper role in your lives if you lived in Somerset.

Looking at all these things in the round I felt this was the best decision for your both, although of course I considered what you both wanted.’

I have also asked your Mum and Dad to behave a bit better. I know you both find the arguing that happens between them difficult. Although it is a naughty word, [A], you are right to describe it to Shelley as ‘c**p’. I have told your parents to stop ‘the c**p’.

I hope you can both settle down with the new school term with week about with Mum and Dad in your London homes. I hope you will enjoy nice holidays in Somerset.

I wish you both good luck. Judge John.

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