“My grandma died, then my grief manifested as extremely dry skin: what was going on in my body?”

Written by Zeynab Mohamed

Exploring the connection between stress, skin and the process of healing.

When they say grief hits in a myriad of ways, they – whoever they are – weren’t lying. Recently, my grandma passed away. It was sudden and took me and my family by complete surprise. Adjusting to this new life has been difficult and foreign. 

One of the more peculiar ways my grief manifested was dry skin. And I’m talking dryness everywhere: my face, my body and hair had gone from oily, verging on greasy, to desert dry out of the blue. It was as if all the hydration had been zapped out of my body. What was even odder was that this happened in the heat of summer. So, after several bouts of heatwaves, I set out to figure out what was happening with my skin. 

It was speaking to my therapist that helped me make the connection between my skin issues and my bereavement. I was complaining about the dry patches on my hand and how no matter the copious amounts of hand cream, they seemed to stay dry regardless. “It might be a manifestation of grief; it happens sometimes,” she casually mentioned and everything clicked: it did happen almost immediately after my grandma had passed away. 

“Our skin wears our stress, grief and more,” explains David Connor, CEO of Kanzen Skincare, and it makes sense: I couldn’t think of any other logical explanation as to why my usually oily complexion would suddenly become so dry – it had to be the grief.  

Dr Raj Arora, GP and the Foreo Skincare aesthetics doctor explains: “The human body releases the hormone cortisol in reaction to stress. Cortisol is a catabolic hormone which breaks down tissue and, in excess, can lead to collagen breakdown and accelerated ageing. 

“High cortisol levels prompt the skin’s sebaceous glands to release more sebum. This in turn results in clogged pores, inflammation and an increase in p.acnes bacteria leading to acne and breakouts. Also, increased stress and cortisol production have been linked to barrier dysfunction, triggering dry, inflamed skin or exacerbating existing chronic skin conditions.”

Not only does grief completely turn your life upside down, but it also plays havoc with your outward appearance, too. The activation and prolonged experience of the fight or flight response can result in dull and dry skin, which is exactly what I experienced. 

“It’s not uncommon for grief to take someone away from their daily activities, and that includes their skincare routine,” describes Hafsa Issa-Salwe, facialist and co-founder of naturopathic health and beauty clinic Botanical Mission.

“If you’re not removing make-up and the day’s grime or you’re not maintaining the use of any skincare product that you’re using to address concerns such as acne, then your skin may break out, which in turn can bring on more stress. When I was grieving, my self-care routine was one of the few things that grounded me,” she goes on to share.

I felt like I had tried everything – and perhaps it was something of a coping mechanism and a tangible way to deal with the grief, but I assembled an army of products to combat my dry skin. And, even though I understood the cause of my dry skin had an emotional and mental root that needed to be dealt with, I did find certain products that were a saving grace during this time.

During this period I wasn’t without a facial mist. I went through many bottles of the Byoma Balancing Face Mist; it went everywhere with me and it felt like a glass of water for my skin, as well as a comfort blanket. Formulated with barrier fortifying tri-ceramide complex (ceramides, cholesterol, fatty acids), in combination with allantoin and probiotic ferment, the mist works to repair, strengthen, hydrate and shield the skin against environmental stressors. 

I also switched to thicker moisturisers – something that was alien to me, especially in the summer months, but my skin drank up Kiehl’s Super Multi-corrective Cream and nothing but the Weleda Skin Food worked for the dark cracks around my nose: it was restorative in all senses of the word.  

For an extra boost of hydration, I booked myself a facial via Treatwell: the Caudalie Vinosource Hydra facial, to be exact. This physically replenished my skin, but it was the act of taking some time for me during this transition period – being able to briefly switch off – that helped me mentally.

As for my body, I consistently drenched myself in oils and body butter – no formula was too rich. Nécessaire The Body Oil and Aesop Breathless Body Oil were regular staples.

For my hair, it was a rotation of hair masks, conditioners and oils, including the Gisou Honey Infused Hair Oil, Bumble and Bumble Super Rich Conditioner, This Hair Of Mine Scalp Serum and Aveda Botanical Repair Intensive Strengthening Masque Rich. The combination was enough to quench my thirst and keep me engaged in daily life.  

Though I have come to acquire a large number of products, specifically those to combat dry skin, I realised it was the ritual of using them that I found therapeutic and healing. For me, this truly drove home the fact that emotions in all their forms, in my case grief, can manifest themselves outwardly. I believe there truly is something to be said for taking self-care seriously.

For me, that included addressing the physical manifestations of stress but also taking the time to comfort myself internally, too.

Images: Getty

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