Soapwatch with JACI STEPHEN: Bob's B&B nightmare
Soapwatch with JACI STEPHEN: Bob’s B&B nightmare
- In Emmerdale, Bob and Bernice prepare for their grand arrival as B&B owners
- Read more: Emmerdale SPOILER: Eric’s life hangs in the balance after accident
EMMERDALE
Of everything that’s taken place at the B&B over the years – including murder – actual bed and breakfast comes very far down on the list.
So, there must be considerable trepidation as Bob and Bernice prepare for their grand arrival as owners. Bernice clearly isn’t that concerned because she spends the previous night with the harpist she’s booked for the opening.
Bob isn’t keen to have the act, declaring the harp ‘airy fairy, plinky plonky’ – dead accurate, in my opinion. Alas, Bernice’s history with picking the wrong men takes another bad turn when the harpist is a no-show at the event and Bob tells her he’s died.
It’s not a good day for Bob when Wendy mishears a conversation between Bob and Bernice and thinks that it’s they who have slept together. Well, it’s only a matter of time, surely.
No one can work within three feet of another local without descending into bedroom chaos and/or carnage.
In Emmerdale, Bob and Bernice prepare for their grand arrival as owners (pictured). Bernice clearly isn’t that concerned because she spends the previous night with the harpist she’s booked for the opening
Bob’s also got to contend with Cathy, who accidentally destroys the cake Marlon has brought (some might say that’s a blessing). Bob’s really at his wits’ end with her and bans her from the opening.
A BREATH OF FRESH AIR
Given Bob’s problems with Cathy in Emmerdale, the B&B should be a breeze. ‘He felt very much put upon at the pub,’ says Tony Audenshaw, who plays Bob.
‘He just needs a breath of fresh air in his life.’
Gabby continues to be frustrated when Nicky keeps brushing off her advances (see what I mean about people within three feet of each other at work?).
Finally, she ignites a spark when she asks him to zip up her dress. Oh, that old chestnut.
When will men in Soapland realise women really don’t buy dresses they can’t manage on their own? Reluctant to start something with his boss, Nicky is unimpressed when Gabby temporarily fires him so they can have their fun.
But then Nicky quits anyway. They do know Leeds is barely a stone’s throw away and there are other people ripe for the picking away from Home Farm?
Look at Kim, who ended up with Will. Did she really think that was the best she could get within a 100-mile radius of Leeds station?
CORONATION STREET
A sozzled David dives in for a kiss with Maria
Why does everyone always think the solution to all their problems lies in falling into someone else’s arms? When David hears Max has been attacked, he ends up drunk and alone in Victoria Gardens, where Maria finds him.
Victoria Gardens and alcohol are always a bad combination – as is any bench or park – and when David leans in for a kiss, Maria orders him to go home.
She’s changed her tune on the man front. Tyrone, Liam, Nick, Jason, Vikram, Chris, Luke, Ali, John, Charlie, Marcus, Aidan, Pablo, Gary.
Why didn’t she just form a football team (or two)?
Victoria Gardens and alcohol are always a bad combination – as is any bench or park – and when David leans in for a kiss, Maria orders him to go home
Creepy Justin gets Daisy so rattled that she decides to go to the police, but how far will she get, with PC Scott playing it down, and later seeing that the copper’s liked all her holiday snaps on social media?
Pushed to the limit, she finally whacks Justin, but it backfires when he accuses her of assault.
Let’s hope Craig’s put on the case (he usually is), as PC Scott’s looking very dodgy.
How much LSD has Stephen acquired? He must have been buying it by the gallon, because when he calls at Carla’s flat with a file, he spikes her drink yet again, and she’s soon feeling dizzy and disorientated.
Mind you, the wine at the Rovers has the same effect, so how can anyone tell the difference?
EASTENDERS
Poor Linda’s world gets rocked more than that of a rocking horse in a child’s nursery when she comes face to face with Shirley
Poor Linda’s world gets rocked more than that of a rocking horse in a child’s nursery. Yes, she’s back in full lurching mode when she receives a photo of Shirley and Dean from Carly.
Coming face to face with Shirley is scary both in still life and reality but seeing the face of her rapist again sends Linda into meltdown. Luckily, Kaffy is there to provide comfort, and the pair talk about what they’ve been through in the past.
Blimey! That could take some time. How many decades do you have?
Denise is still wearing that nervy expression normally reserved for people going down on ships that hit icebergs. When Ravi enters The Vic, she kisses Jack, still trying to put on a display of a happy marriage.
She does the same before Jack leaves for work, but then Ravi turns up, asking her to spend the following night in a hotel with him. When they share a passionate kiss in the alleyway of The Vic – oh, very discreet! – Denise agrees to go to the hotel.
Still not buying it, sorry. Things have been a lot worse for her – remember when she had to scavenge food out of bins? – so it’s hard to believe that with the hunk she has at home she’d take a first look at Ravi, let alone a second or third.
True, she has to excavate Jack out of his ill-fitting camel coat every time, but surely he’s worth the effort.
Denise hits a mid-life crisis
EastEnders’ Diane Parish says her character, Denise, feels Jack sees her only as a household function – ‘a cook, a washer-upper, someone to deal with the kids.’
Really? To me she spends a huge amount of time on that grotty sofa or downing too much alcohol.
She still says Denise’s heart is 100 per cent with Jack, and, ‘The Ravi thing is about igniting sexual desires, and Denise not wanting to be middle-aged, forgotten and invisible.’
Really? She’d have trouble making herself invisible with that foghorn voice.
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