How the winter affects your libido and what to do about it
It might sound odd, but the winter – and the weather that comes with it – can seriously affect your sexual desire.
Less Vitamin D in winter means a lower mood which often goes hand in hand with a lower sex drive – but there are upsides too. Men have higher testosterone levels in the autumn and winter months, with a higher sperm count and women tend to be more fertile too.
Gigi Engle, certified sex educator at 3Fun and author of All The F*cking Mistakes, tells Metro.co.uk that we all have ‘brakes’ and ‘accelerators’ when it comes to sex – things that turn us off and things that turn us on.
‘All sex and levels of interest are normal,’ she explains. ‘A low sex drive isn’t a problem unless it’s a problem for you personally. The meaning that sex has for people and the importance that it has in their life varies from person to person.
Equally, if you do want to up your sex drive, you can. Here’s how to reignite your sex lives this winter, if you want to.
Identify your brakes and accelerators
Since the winter alone is setting us up for less sex, its important to address any other factors that could be contributing to a low sex drive.
Gigi explains that there are a ton of things that could be holding a couple’s sex drive down, from stresses at work to erectile difficulties and other sexual function issues like dyspareunia, which is painful vulva.
‘There’s also the inevitable issue of differing sex drives,’ she adds. ‘When one partner wants sex, another partner doesn’t, it can cause a lot of tension.
‘There’s a million things that could be impacting your libido, so it’s really helpful to have open and honest communication about sex. If that’s difficult for you, you can seek out professional advice to talk about what it is about sex that is stopping you from doing it,’ Gigi recommends.
Asking each other lots of questions about sex and how sex makes each other feel can help you identify what your individual brakes and accelorators are.
‘Maybe you’re worrying about the housework so cleaning up together can make room for sex. Or maybe you need to put some music on with some candles in order to get in the mood. It’s useful to identify what pushes your libido forward,’ she explains.
Throw out the sexual hierarchy
Engle says its really important to understand that sex doesn’t have to be intercourse. ‘We have a hierarchy of sex that places intercourse at the very top and considers everything else to be “foreplay”‘, Gigi says.
‘But all sex is equal. And I think if we can level that playing field and understand that all sex is valid, this idea of a hierarchy can really change.’
Engle explains that, often, couples will believe they have a low sex drive because, when they think about how many times they’ve had sex recently, they think only about penetrative sex.
‘If you have a vulva, there’s an 80% chance you’re not going to orgasm that way anyway so I think taking intercourse off the table and exploring other ways of bringing each other sexual pleasure can really help navigate those complicated waters better.’
Change up your routine
Trying something new in the bedroom can also get sparks flying again. Gigi explains that when we first start dating someone, we often want sex more than we would usually.
We usually lose this as a relationship progresses, and our sex drives return to their usual state – but the feeling of newness can be replicated.
‘Changing it up, trying new things, being experimental and being open minded in sex can make a huge difference because you give yourself that boost of chemicals, like the dopamine and adrenaline, that you had when you first started sleeping together.’
Try discussing a new sexual activity with your partner and see what you both get excited about. This could be a new position, a new sex toy, a new kink, or even something as simple as having sex at a different time of day or in a new location. Even small changes make a difference.
Masturbate more
‘If you have sex, and it’s a good experience, its reinforced that sex is fun, sex is good. And then you want to do it more,’ says Gigi.
You can, in a sense, train your brain to want more sex, by developing a good masturbation routine. She says: ‘If you masturbate and give yourself sexual pleasure or an orgasm, you keep reinforcing that positive cycle, so it’s really important to masturbate.
Masturbating, or having solo sex, also helps us to get to know our bodies and what we might want from partnered sex.
Embrace what winter has to offer
Once all the main factors that can decrease libido have been addressed, we still have the pesky winter weather working against us. But, it could provide some sexy opportunities.
Hemmings says the winter is a perfect time to try a getaway to relight the spark. ‘The couple who plays together stays together, so try planning some time away from home together – it might be a holiday, a weekend getaway or just a day trip somewhere different. Travelling gives you exciting things to see, do and share [and can reignite sexual interest.]’
Hemmings also recommends lighting up the darker, chillier evenings by making use of candles or tealights. ‘If you can get scented candles, they give off a sensuous vibe and a romantic glow,’ she says, helping just that bit more with increasing sexual interest.
If you struggle with seasonal depression or low moods during the cold months, Hemmings recommends making a conscious effort to improve this with more rest, healthier foods and by speaking to a professional, if necessary, as this will also be affecting your sexual interest.
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