I thought I was a good parent, but then realised I spent £200 a day on cocaine

A mum has opened up about how she thought she was a good parent, until she realised she was spending £200 a day on cocaine.

Louise opened up about her struggle with drugs in a first-person account for Metro.

"The first thing I’d reach for each morning was a line of cocaine to help get me out of bed," she admitted.

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The mum said she would reach for the drugs and alcohol to cope as she was 'feeling rough from the bender the day before'

She'd then continue drinking 'endless' amounts of wine all day as well as 'treating herself' to lines of coke.

"At the height of my addictions, I was a shell of a mother," she admitted.

"I thought I could juggle parenthood with what I perceived as my way of coping. It wasn’t until I got sober that I truly saw how wrong I was."

Louise said she married her husband more than 15 years ago and they had their first child not long after.

"I absolutely loved being a new mum, especially because I had worked in childcare so I knew the score and motherhood came relatively easy to me," she said.

However, by the time the couple had their second child, Louise said 'something had shifted'. And she started to 'resent' her husband as his life hadn't completely changed like hers had.

"My world revolved around my children so I lost my own identity," she admitted.

Louise said she was also putting pressure on herself to be the 'perfect mum', and she couldn't sustain it, which left her with postnatal depression.

Louise said she craved downtime and regularly looked forward to getting a babysitter in and having a night out with her girlfriends every weekend.

She admitted she would 'go wild' and more determined to have fun and make the most of it than ever before'.

Louise said her and her mum friends would often 'spur each other on' and have tons of alcohol and a 'few lines of coke' after a long week.

She claims 'around half' of her fellow mum friends were taking cocaine, so she felt it was 'justified'.

Although, soon Louise admitted things got out of control and started affected her kids.

She also said she started drinking and using drugs even when she was by herself.

In 2017, her marriage broke down and Louise said her addictions 'spiralled out of control' as she used up to £200 of cocaine per day to 'numb her pain'.

"I thought that because the kids were still being fed and looked after, I was a functioning addict, but I wasn’t actually present for them. Looking back, I can see that this is how I was failing them the most," she said.

Her wild nights out continued on until lockdown hit in March 2020.

Louise said during lockdown, she looked up resources online for quitting drugs and alcohol and she ended up signing up for Help Me Stop's six-week course of intensive treatment online for cocaine and alcohol addiction.

She's now on the road to recovery and urges others suffering with drug and alcohol addiction to reach out for help.

If you or someone you know is struggling and needs to talk, call the free Samaritans helpline 24/7 on 116 123. You can also email [email protected] or find your local branch online.


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