I was a surrogate for my gay brother

2023-01-13

I was a surrogate for my gay brother – we used my egg and his husband’s sperm so they’re both related to the baby and I’d do it again in a heartbeat

Sabreena Henderson, 29, from California, gave birth to her brother’s baby
She agreed to be a surrogate so he could start a family with his husband
She has ‘always felt strongly’ about sexual equality so was willing to help out

A woman gave birth to her brother’s baby – after agreeing to be a surrogate so he could start a family.

Sabreena Henderson, 29, from Buena Park, California, volunteered to help sibling Shane Petrie, 32, and his husband Paul Petrie, 36.

She said she has ‘always felt strongly’ about sexual equality – so was more than willing to help out.

And, after five failed insemination attempts and a miscarriage, Sabreena gave birth to baby Tristan in September last year.

Sabreena Henderson, 29, from Buena Park, California, gave birth to her brother’s baby – after agreeing to be a surrogate so he could start a family

She said: ‘Seeing the happiness in their eyes and the smile on my brother’s face made it all worth it. And if they asked me I’d do it again in a heartbeat.’

Sabreena, a property manager who is mother to four children of her own, is one of five sisters.

And, after Shane came out as gay in at 16, they all agreed they would be a surrogate if they could.

Sabreena volunteered to help her sibling Shane Petrie, 32, (left) and his husband Paul Petrie, 36 (right)

(L-R)Sabreena, Paul and Shane beam for a snap as they are pictured all together with baby Tristan

Sabreena said she has ‘always felt strongly’ about sexual equality – so was more than willing to help out

After Shane came out as gay in at 16, they all agreed they would be a surrogate if they could (Shane pictured with baby Tristan)

It was a tense nine months, but thankfully Sabreena gave birth to Tristan on 28 September last year

Sabreena says she was then the best candidate when her brother said he wanted a child in 2020.

She said: ‘Surrogacy is really expensive and so is adoption so when Shane and Paul were ready to be parents I was happy to help facilitate that.

‘My eldest sister had already had three C-sections so she couldn’t do it, and my two younger sisters were only 18 and 19 at the time.

‘That left it between me and my other middle sister. But she’d had a terrible time through both her pregnancies.’

Sabreena agreed to use Paul’s sperm and her egg so both fathers would be related to the baby.

The trio tried their first insemination attempt in November 2020, but it didn’t result in a pregnancy.

They then had two more attempts and, on the third time of trying in February 2021, Sabreena became pregnant.

She carried for 13 weeks before suffering a tragic miscarriage – which left the family devastated.

After a long journey and a further three attempts, Sabreena thankfully became pregnant again

Sabreena said the day she found out she was pregnant again was wonderful and she showcased her growing baby bump in a series of snaps

Sabreena took a few months to heal both physically and emotionally.

But when doctors informed her it was safe to try again in October 2021, that’s what they did.

What is a surrogate pregnancy?

Surrogacy is when a woman carries a baby for a couple who are unable to conceive or carry a child themselves.

Such couples may include those who have suffered recurrent miscarriages, repeated IVF failures, premature menopause or a hysterectomy.

The risks of being a surrogate mother are the same as for every pregnancy, and include nausea, heart burn and back ache.

In extreme cases, surrogates can suffer high blood pressure or gestational diabetes.

Straight surrogacy

This involves using the surrogate’s egg and the intended father’s sperm.

It is the least expensive and simplest form of the procedure.

Host surrogacy

Host surrogacy requires IVF with either the intended mother’s eggs or donor eggs rather than those of the surrogate.

In this case, the surrogate is genetically unrelated to the baby.

Donor eggs can be from friends or relatives, or anonymously donated.

What are the laws?

Surrogacy is legal in the UK, however, it cannot be advertised.

No third parties are allowed to be involved and surrogates can only receive payments to cover expenses incurred as a result of being pregnant.

In the US, surrogacy costs around $100,000 (£75,879), with laws varying between states.

Source: Surrogacy UK

And, three months later, after a further three attempts, Sabreena became pregnant again.

She said: ‘When we found out I’d miscarried we were absolutely heartbroken.

‘I bled so much and even needed surgery as my body wasn’t naturally letting go of the pregnancy.

‘It was awful. But it didn’t put me off helping my brother and when we got the all clear from the doctor, we tried again.

‘The day I found out I was pregnant again was wonderful, although we were all tentatively optimistic because of our previous experience.

‘It was a tense nine months, but thankfully everything was fine this time around and I gave birth to Tristan on September 28 last year.’

Shane and Paul have been fathers for three months and are loving every minute of parenthood.

And Shane says he will forever be in debt to his younger sister – and that they now share an unbreakable bond like no other.

Shane, a drug and alcohol recovery worker in Costa Mesa said: ‘One of the first things my husband and I ever discussed when we met was we both wanted children.

‘We wanted a family, but weren’t sure how we would be able to make that a reality.

‘When my sister came to us and asked to help it was life-changing.

‘It was the most selfless act I’ve ever seen in my life.

‘She gave us the thing that we wanted most in the world, and made our life and family complete, and asked for nothing in return.’