'I've met a girl I'm wild about, but I can only last 30 seconds in bed'

Finding someone you fancy the pants off is great, right?

Well, this week we hear from a reader who’s connected with a ‘gorgeous girl’ he can imagine being with long term. The problem? He’s struggling to last more than 30 seconds in bed.

What should he do? He gets some handy tips below that might help any men struggling with premature ejaculation.

Before you go, read last week’s dilemma, where a reader found lacy underwear in her husband’s car – but it wasn’t a sign of an affair.

The problem…

Thought I’d struck lucky when I met a gorgeous girl at a wedding recently. We were sitting next to one another on a table of singles, and not only was she good looking, but she was funny and interesting, so I was made up when she suggested meeting again.

Since then, we’ve had several dates, but I didn’t want to move on to sex too quickly as I’ve had a bit of trouble in the past. I don’t seem able to last very long in bed and the more I like someone, the worse it is.

As I fancied this girl like mad, I had a feeling things would go horribly wrong between the sheets, and so it turned out. She ended up getting impatient and dragging me off to the bedroom, and although she was even more gorgeous with her clothes off, that just meant it was all over in thirty seconds.

She was great about it and said it didn’t matter, but since then it’s happened a few times and if I’m honest, we’ve never had decent sex.

Apart from that we’re very compatible, and all my mates think she’s a keeper. I just don’t know how long she’ll put up with rubbish sex, and even though I try to laugh it off, it’s really starting to bug me. I’ve noticed that she has started making excuses not to stay over and wonder if this is the beginning of the end.

Laura says…

Your problem is fairly common in young men, although the subject of premature ejaculation is probably not something your mates want to talk about down the pub.

It only needs happen once to become a big issue in your head, and of course, worrying about it makes things worse. Then, when one or other partner starts making excuses to avoid sex, it becomes even more likely to happen; the longer you wait, the bigger the build-up of sexual tension and the more urgent the release.

Placing too much emphasis on actual intercourse can aggravate the problem of climaxing too quickly. Talk to your girlfriend and be open about the issue; suggest that you lay off penetrative sex for a few weeks and instead explore the many other ways of sharing sexual pleasure, from kissing and cuddling to the more adventurous stuff.

Once you accept that intercourse is off the agenda, it takes an important pressure away from both of you. Learn to recognise the signs when you’re about to climax (even on your own) and when you reach that moment, pause whatever you’re doing and wait for the feeling to subside.

If the problem persists, arrange to see your GP (to make sure there’s no underlying medical cause) or a trained sex therapist. Only on their recommendation should you consider any of the pills and potions out there.

Sometimes, the feeling you’re doing something makes you more relaxed and therefore more likely to have longer-lasting sex. PE is often all in the mind; and that’s where you’ll hopefully find the solution.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to [email protected]

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