Looking for an authentic connection on dating apps? It’s time to ‘bae-real’

Written by Leah Sinclair

Bae-realing is a trend describing how daters are being more honest and authentic on their dating profiles, using a more candid approach in how they come across on dating apps.

Carefully curated social media feeds are so 2019, don’t you think?

Whether you’re scrolling through Instagram or TikTok, seeing posts that are perfectly posed, filtered and planned is becoming a thing of the past, with more people opting for random ‘photo dumps’ and posting on social media sites like BeReal, which encourages people to post what they’re doing in the moment.

This trend we’re seeing of people sharing posts of more authentic moments is seemingly trickling down to other aspects of our lives including dating – and a new dating trend is further proving that.

Bae-realing, a term coined by dating site Plenty of Fish, is described as a change in how people are dating on apps, as we move away from stylised and overly curated profiles to a more authentic and off-the-cuff style of presenting ourselves on social media and dating apps.

“Bae-realing is a trend describing how daters are being more honest and authentic in their dating profiles, using a more candid approach in how they come across on dating apps,” says Michelle Begy, MD and founder of Ignite Dating.

“Singletons are now experiencing a more transparent approach to dating, with many now saying they are comfortable sharing unfiltered photos and being more honest and upfront about what they are looking for. It’s about being yourself and being happy to let potential love interests see the real you.”

The emergence of these trends highlights just how much things have changed in our post-pandemic world.

While many of us would spend time embracing social media trends from sepia Instagram filters to Snapchat dog ears (what a time) many are now no longer wishing to curate the perfect, digitalised image online. 

“Covid-19 normalised the hum-drum day-to-day of lockdown living and many turned their backs on efforts to portray an idealistic life,” says Begy. “There is a growing move to post unfiltered, in-the-moment photographs, and it’s made its mark on the dating world in the way single people approach their dating app profiles.

Begy says bae-realing is a breath of “fresh air” for daters who are “battle-weary with the game-playing that goes hand-in-hand with online dating”.

With so many people experiencing dating burnout, largely due to toxic dating trends, bae-realing provides a refreshing change to come across love interests who are being true to themselves on dating apps and genuinely seeking a meaningful connection.

“Dating app fatigue is another problem, with daters increasingly feeling burned out with constant swiping for dates. It makes sense to swap a string of dates that go nowhere with meetings with people you genuinely stand a chance of sharing a connection with. It’s about showing the world who you are, so you have the best chance of finding somebody who is on the same page as you.”

While it can be tempting to present an idealised version of yourself via dating apps, the vulnerability that comes with authentically being yourself on these platforms is what allows you to meet and match with the people who are compatible with you – even if it doesn’t always work out in your favour.

“Rejection is hard, but it makes a lot more sense to have somebody pass on your profile than agree to meet based on the version of yourself you’ve portrayed which is not truly reflecting who you really are,” advises Begy.

“When you think about it, if somebody sees you for who you really are, and wants to meet you to get to know you better, it has the potential to lead to more genuine connections and helps you reach that goal of a long-term, committed relationship.”

But how do you embrace bae-realing when you’re used to presenting a more stylised version of yourself online? Well, Begy suggests that one should first ditch old photos that feature images of you that are filtered.

“Have a thorough audit of the photos you use on your profile and what you’ve written – if anything is out-of-date or not relaying the true you, then get rid of it,” she says.

“It’s all about reflecting your personality and including anything that emphasises how unique and interesting you are.

Image: Getty

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