My wife took me back after I had an affair but now she's getting even | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I discovered my wife was cheating and confronted her, she blamed me.

We have both had affairs, and we are finding it hard to forgive one another.

I’m 37, she is 35, and we have been married for ten years. We don’t have kids.

Our relationship has always thrived on passion and excitement, and that was our downfall.

When our sex life grew stale, I looked for satisfaction elsewhere and had an affair with a colleague.

It meant nothing, and my wife said she would forgive my weakness.

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After that, our marriage and sex life got better for a while.
But recently, I had a gut feeling something was up.

Last weekend, I checked her phone while she was having a shower.

I found a flirty chat with another guy, arranging to meet him the next evening.

She had told me she was going to be meeting her girlfriends at the pub that night. I confronted her with her lie, and she broke down in tears.

She told me she hadn’t slept with this man, but she had met him a few times — and they had kissed.

When I asked why, she blamed me. She said it was because I didn’t give her enough affection or attention.

This stung, as I’m not naturally tactile, but make an effort to be loving.

I’ve been doing long hours lately, mainly so we can afford to move house, so I’ve been too tired for sex.

She admitted she hasn’t really forgiven me for my affair five years ago.

Are we doomed?

I’m not sure if we should give up trying to save our marriage.

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DEIDRE SAYS: The fact you have both cheated is a sign that something is wrong in your marriage.

Forgiving each other isn’t enough.

You need to get to the root of why each of you feels unloved or dissatisfied, so this can’t happen again.

You need to communicate more openly and honestly, even when that’s hard.

On the plus side, you clearly love each other, so you can get through this if you’re both prepared to put the work in.

My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, will help you both.

If you want to make your marriage work, you may need some relationship counselling. Find support through Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).

My support pack on counselling will tell you more.

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