This is the one thing you're doing that is killing your first dates

This is the one thing you’re doing that is killing your first dates: ‘It’s the worst question you can ask’

• Relationship expert Louanne Ward said you shouldn’t discuss negative dates
• Said it psychologically makes people re-visit a negative experience and is bad

A relationship expert and matchmaker has revealed why talking about past negative dating experiences is killing a good vibe on a first date.

Louanne Ward, from Perth, said talking about negative dates is ‘one of the most common dating mistakes’ she sees, because it ‘instantly puts the other person on a very low frequency and immediately changes the vibe’.

‘Take it from me as a matchmaker for 28 years. You cannot imagine how many people I speak to every week who give me feedback on their dates,’ Louanne said in a clip shared on Instagram.

‘The most common dating mistake people make is asking “so what happened on your previous dates?”‘ 

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A relationship expert and matchmaker has revealed why talking about past negative dating experiences is the one thing that is killing a good vibe on a first date (Louanne Ward pictured)

The reason why Louanne said this is the ‘worst of the worst questions’ is because you are forcing that other person ‘psychologically to re-experience a negative experience’.

‘You are tapping into their emotions and not in a good way,’ she said.

Louanne said that as soon as someone tells her as a matchmaker that their date has ‘asked them about other dates’, she knows that that person is likely to stop and think ‘wow’.

‘It’s completely normal to think if they’re saying this about their other dates, then what will they be saying about me?’ she said.

‘It’s honestly the worst thing you could do.’ 

The reason why Louanne (pictured) said this is the ‘worst of the worst questions’ is because you are forcing that other person ‘psychologically to re-experience a negative experience’

Louanne said if you do manage to make a connection with someone after discussing negative past dates, it’s unlikely to end well either.

‘Chances are if you do form a connection after trash talking a negative date, you’ve formed a toxic match,’ she said.

‘At the very least it’s someone who has a jaded dating life and who carries excess emotional balance; the relationship likely won’t go very far.’ 

Instead, the relationship expert (pictured) said you need to try and connect with someone on an emotional level ‘in a positive way’ that leaves them feeling good about the date

Instead, the relationship expert said you need to try and connect with someone on an emotional level ‘in a positive way’ that leaves them feeling good about the date:

‘This means leaving people feeling better after spending time with you,’ she said.

‘It means building feelings of security, it means creating trust from the get go. And who can trust someone who bad mouths others behind their back?’ 

Louanne’s video struck a chord with thousands, who were quick to thank the expert for sharing her advice.

‘Thanks for sharing,’ one person wrote.

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