Tracey Cox reveals 21 PROVEN ways to get your man to last longer
Try ‘edging’, triple foreplay and use his penis as a sex toy: Tracey Cox reveals 21 PROVEN ways to get your man to last longer in bed
- Majority of those who think they suffer from Premature Ejaculation actually don’t
- Average man is thought to last around two to three minutes during intercourse
- Here, Tracey Cox shares tips for how you can keep enjoying yourself for longer
- UK-based sex expert recommends ‘edging’ as well as trying out an app
- READ MORE: Tracey Cox reveals the requests you SHOULD indulge and the sex acts to swerve
‘We don’t even get to the penetration part. Sometimes, taking his underwear off is enough to get him to ejaculate.’
While very few people enjoy intercourse that goes on forever, a partner who climaxes way before you’re ready isn’t much fun either.
If your partner finishes before you’ve even started to become aroused, this is for him.
These are the techniques and solutions that are proven to help men last longer in bed.
Tracey Cox recommends a series of techniques to help men last longer in bed, including ‘edging’ and using technology. Stock image used
Let’s start with a reality check
Most men wildly overestimate what qualifies as premature ejaculation. Asked how long other men last during sex, most say between ten minutes to an hour.
The truth is the average man lasts around two to three minutes during intercourse before ejaculating. Another reputable and much-cited study found an average of 5.4 minutes.
Premature Ejaculation (PE) means you ejaculate before you or your partner are ready. There is no absolute answer to that question because it entirely depends on the people involved. But if you ejaculate within 60 seconds of penetration, it’s likely you’ll be given a diagnosis of PE.
PE affects up to 40 per cent of men of all ages – but the majority who think they suffer from it, don’t.
Stop comparing yourself to porn. This is what happens in the real world.
Don’t fall for other myths either
Lasting longer won’t necessarily make you a better lover either – particularly if you’re sleeping with a woman.
All women climax through clitoral stimulation (direct or indirect), and fingers, your tongue or a vibrator are far more efficient at doing that than your penis thrusting back and forth.
Finish fast but give her an orgasm by one of those methods and everyone is happy. Same goes if you’re sleeping with another man: a practised hand-job or great oral sex is equally as satisfying as penetrative sex.
A healthy lifestyle equals a healthy penis
Some of the best things you can do for your penis don’t involve sex. Exercise, stop smoking, cut down on drinking, eat healthily, manage stress and not only will your penis perform better, you’ll be better placed psychologically to deal with any negative emotions PE throws up.
Tracey (pictured) says lifestyle factors and age play a part
Masturbate beforehand
Especially if you haven’t had sex for a while. Most men take longer the second (third, fourth) time around. Timing is crucial here though: do it too often and too soon before partner sex and your penis might not want to come out to play at all.
Wear a condom
Skip the barely-there brands and op for extra-thick condoms that reduce sensation. It might not be a popular solution but it’s guaranteed to make penetration feel less intense.
Try a delay spray or cream
They used to be rubbish but today’s formulations are now quite effective.
I have one in my range (the Tracey Cox Edge Delay Cream); Promescent (available in the US) is another that gets good results.
Experiment by using a delay spray or cream during masturbation (start with one spray and progress to two), then use during partner sex. Be warned though: some have a numbing effect which can leave your partner unable or slow to orgasm, as well!
Anti-depressants have a positive side-effect
If you take a SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) for depression or anxiety, you may have noticed your ejaculation is delayed.
Research suggests taking an SSRI before sex may help men with PE last four to five times longer. One study, which tested the drug on 100 premature ejaculating men, saw all the men record improvements in staying power. (You can take the medication daily or as needed before sex.)
There are obvious reasons why this method might not be for you. SSRI’s have other side-effects that aren’t great, some people can’t take them and others don’t want to take a drug purely to improve sexual performance.
But it’s an option worth exploring with your doctor if the problem is severe, and you’ve tried everything else.
Viagra and other drugs designed to maintain a strong erection can also have a side effect of delaying ejaculation in some men. (Again, though, check with your doctor before taking any medication.)
Age
PE can affect men at any age but it’s more common among young men. This is for both psychological and physiological reasons. Sex is even more exciting when you’re younger because you haven’t had it as much – which also makes it stressful. Lots of young men experience performance anxiety because they base performance on what they’ve seen in porn. At the same time, your body is in peak condition and nerve-endings tingling, highly sensitive to any stimulation.
Early masturbation experiences also have an effect which is why it’s a good idea to…
Other examples of techniques include strengthening the pelvic floor muscles and having sex more often. Stock photo used
Change your masturbation technique
Because we’re taught from an early age that masturbation is ‘naughty’, your first masturbatory experiences as a boy were probably furtive and riddled with guilt.
‘Playing with yourself’ was something you got over with as quickly as possible – fabulous when you’ve only got three minutes before your Mum comes knocking, not so fabulous when you’re with a partner later.
If it still only takes you a few seconds or minutes to masturbate yourself to orgasm, you’ve programmed your penis to ejaculate quickly by ensuring orgasm follows mere minutes (or seconds) after direct stimulation.
Changing your masturbation technique can help ‘retrain’ your penis. Focus less on the most sensitive area (the head or glans) and spend more time on the shaft. Try reversing your hand movement as you feel orgasm approach. Bend your wrist towards you so your fist is twisted, and your palm now faces the opposite side of your penis. This shifts the stimulation to different areas.
HELP HIM LAST LONGER IN BED
Here’s some practical ways to make sex better for both of you.
Talk lots
Get into the habit of telling each other exactly where you’re at arousal wise. Along the ‘This feels great…maybe a little too great’ lines. You could also use a number system. Groaning out a ‘Nine!’ or delivering a curt ‘Still two’ might seem odd to start, but it’s a quick and effective way to communicate in bed.
Keep pace with each other
He’s almost at the finish line but you’ve barely started? Stop his stimulation entirely and get him to switch his focus to concentrating entirely on you. It’s impossible for both of you to be at the same arousal stage, at the same time, all the way through the session. But it makes sense to ‘take turns’ with who is being stimulated, depending on who is the most turned on.
Take charge
If you take charge during penetration (jump on top, for instance) you can keep a close eye on how aroused he’s becoming, slowing things down or speeding up accordingly. Putting off your orgasms for as long as possible, keeps the session high energy.
She comes first
The orgasm gap doesn’t lie – men orgasm more frequently and reliably with a partner than women do.
Most men easily orgasm during intercourse. Making sure you have yours via oral sex, his fingers or a sex toy first, is fair and makes perfect sense. Everyone knows your enthusiasm level is higher before you’ve had your first orgasm. Wait and you might miss out completely.
Pull his testicles
If you think he’s too close to climaxing and neither of you want it to happen yet, pull down on his testicles gently to decrease his chances of orgasm. Pressing three fingers firmly into the centre of the perineum can also delay ejaculation.
Try a variety of solutions. PE has many different causes. This is why one guy will swear delay creams are useless and another says they solved their problem in a few seconds. You need to experiment with all the treatments to see what works for you individually.
Strengthen your pelvic floor muscles
Yep, the same one’s women get told to do after they’ve had a baby. Doing your ‘kegels’ regularly improves erectile function for 75 per cent of men and helps with ejaculatory control.
Identify the right muscles to exercise by cutting off the flow of urine the next time you have a pee. Another way to isolate them: stand in front of a mirror and try to lift your testicles without using your hands.
Now you know which muscle you are working on, tighten and hold for a count of 10, then release. Aim for sets of 10 and work up to between three and five sets a day.
Have sex more often
If you haven’t had sex for a year and about to bed someone you’ve been lusting after for months, it’s normal to lose control quickly.
The more regularly you have sex, the more control you’ll tend to have over ejaculation.
Don’t have a partner? Having regular solo sex also helps.
DON’T choose your favourite position
Certain positions turn us on more or stimulate us more effectively. If you want intercourse to last longer, choose one that isn’t as visually erotic or where you feel less simulated.
Avoid doggie style and missionary: the positions where men are most likely to lose control. Instead, opt for adventurous poses that require you to concentrate or positions that only allow shallow thrusting (side-by-side). Woman on top also works because she can be in control of the thrusting and keep an eye on your arousal level.
Try a different thrusting technique
Ditch the traditional method of thrusting. Instead, penetrate, then grab your partner’s buttocks and grind against them, moving your hips in a circular motion.
Intermittent thrusting also helps reduce intensity. Do one deep, slow thrust, count to five, then repeat with five shallow, slow thrusts, counting to five between each thrust.
Triple the amount of foreplay
Take the focus off yourself and put it on your partner. Give them a massage, deliver oral sex, use your fingers or a sex toy on them. The more often you make them orgasm, the less pressure you’ll feel to hold off on your own.
Switch stimulation regularly
Not only will it keep you hovering rather than climbing steadily toward a climax, switching gives you a stimulation break (and even a tiny one helps).
Change positions. Change rooms. Change the music. Do anything to change the mood, keeping it sexy but maintaining a measure of control.
Try a perpendicular sex position
This allows her to use your penis to masturbate with. (Yes really.)
Lie on top of her but rather than penetrating, position your penis so the shaft is running lengthwise against her vulva/clitoral area and get her to grind against you.
The underside is the most sensitive part (it’s where the frenulum is – the piece of stringy skin where the glans meets the shaft). Using the top side to stimulate her makes you less likely to lose control.
Tracey also advises on a number of techniques to try, including ‘the stop-start’ and ‘the squeeze’. Stock image used
Try the stop-start technique
An old school technique that still works for some.
Step one: involves bringing yourself to the brink during masturbation, then stopping, four times before finally allowing yourself to orgasm. Continue this training for several weeks until you feel you know the point you can bring yourself to without letting go.
Step two: your partner joins you and uses their hand, with you instructing when to start and stop.
Step three: You repeat the initial exercise but this time penetrated.
The secret to getting the ‘stop-start’ right is to focus on pleasure and sensation, rather than trying to distract yourself.
Or the squeeze technique
Another oldie but still a goodie is the squeeze technique.
You (or your partner) place a thumb on the frenulum and wrap two or three fingers tightly around the head of the penis. Then you (or they) squeeze tightly and hold for a few seconds or until the urge to orgasm subsides.
It can also work if you squeeze the base firmly.
The trouble with the stop-start and squeeze techniques is that they interrupt sex. The newer, more partner-friendly approach is ‘peaking’ or ‘edging’.
Master ‘peaking’ or ‘edging’
This technique is based on the premise that the better you know your orgasm, the more you’ll know exactly what’s going to send you over the edge.
It teaches you to ‘score’ your arousal level.
Think about your last great orgasm moment and give that a 10. Zero is when you’re at your in-laws making small talk in between passing the potatoes. As you move from no arousal to lift-off, you’ll move through the spectrum from 1-10. The aim is to establish your ‘number’: a level of stimulation that’s enjoyable but where you can still exercise control. If your number is a ‘4’, it means you can safely play around that level of arousal without ejaculating.
Practise while masturbating first. When you’re ready to try it with a partner, explain how the technique works. Agree on how you’ll let them know you’re edging dangerously close to your number (verbally or a squeeze on the arm). If you’re approaching your ‘4’ arousal level, stop or slow things down until your arousal level drops.
The sex expert also says that genetics are behind how quickly a man may ejaculate. Stock images used
Try technology
Is there an app to help you last longer?
Of course there is!
My inbox is inundated with new products like Myhixel (a device and app), pea (getpea.com) which guides you through a program which teaches peaking. You can also buy penis rings fitted with technology which track your performance and monitor erectile health (FirmTech performance ring).
You can achieve the same results yourself but if you like a big of tech and think it will keep you motivated, why not?
Blame your parents
Genetics plays a substantial role in determining penis size. And there is a relationship between the size of a man’s penis and how quickly he ejaculates.
All penises have roughly the same number of nerve endings in the head. If his penis is small, they’re concentrated over a smaller area that makes him more sensitive and prone to premature ejaculation. The opposite is true for men with big penises because the nerves are spread over a larger area.
Tracey’s Edge range, sold by lovehoney.co.uk, includes many products designed to help keep penises and erections healthy and strong. Visit traceycox.com for her blog, podcast and more information about sex.
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