UK Mumsnet users share 'script' for cheating with heartbroken woman

Mother whose husband walked out on their family six months after starting a new job is warned he’s ‘following the cheating script’ after he started working late, changed his passwords – then accused HER of being controlling

• A woman took to parenting forum Mumsnet after her husband left her 
• She claimed 15 year marriage was ‘solid’ until husband took a new job 
• The wife was warned by other women that it was likely her husband was cheating

A woman whose husband ended their 15-year marriage within months of starting a new job was warned that it sounds like he is cheating. 

The British wife took to UK parenting forum Mumsnet to explain her ‘loving’ marriage came to an abrupt end six months after her husband switched jobs and began asking for ‘space’. 

She said she feels like the man she married morphed overnight into someone ‘cold’ and a ‘person she doesn’t recognise’, when he suddenly started to avoid the family home and work late.

A woman whose husband ended their 15-year marriage within months of starting a new job was warned that it sounds like he is cheating. Stock image 

Things came to a head where he accused her of being ‘controlling’ and he packed his bags and left. 

The mother said she noticed he had changed the password on his phone, and no longer said he loved her first. 

Other Mumsnet users are convinced this woman’s husband is following a typical ‘script’ for cheating – with many of them saying there ‘must be an OW (Other Woman)’. 

The British wife took to UK parenting forum Mumsnet to explain her ‘loving’ marriage came to an abrupt end six months after her husband switched jobs and began asking for ‘space’

They also offered practical advice on what to do next. 

A user said: ‘I am very sorry OP. But I think it is highly likely that he has ‘fallen in love’ with someone else, and is now trying to rewrite history to put the blame on you.

‘It it NOT your fault. If you can’t sleep, maybe have a dig around to get financial details etc, or move half of any joint money into your own bank account. This man is no longer your friend.’

Many agreed, with another adding: ‘So sorry you are going through this. You do definitely not sound controlling! But this odd part of the script – I had similar. I’m afraid all these mysterious movements do klaxon OW. 

Other Mumsnet users are convinced this woman’s husband is following a typical ‘script’ for cheating – with many of them saying there ‘must be an OW (Other Woman)’

‘But practically as PP said, if you can move half your joint money to another account that does not preclude other arrangements later when you have have more time to plan.’ 

Many users referred to ‘the script’ with another imparting advice: ‘So sorry. This is the frequent story I am afraid and once he started to come home late it was almost certainly another woman. 

Another said: ‘There is a script and it looks like, no matter how clever or unique he thinks his circumstances are, he is following the script to the letter. Personally I’d move all the joint money.

‘You can bet that he would have taken everything if he had thought of it so soon.

‘He is definitely playing a role of the hard done by husband with the controlling wife.

‘The problem is it is like method acting. He is really into the role and can’t change the script when he gets home.

‘He is enjoying the attention. Last night he was on a high.

‘He could end up like friends ex who went to move in with his new gf after telling his wife of 25 years that he was leaving. He gave her a long speech about all her flaws

‘When he got there the OW told him she only wanted a bit of fun. She didn’t want anyone living with her.Wife didn’t want him either.’ 

Despite her heartache the mother still said that her husband had been an amazing father ‘up until the last few months’ and that despite being in his 50’s he was ‘acting much younger.

‘Then there’s The Script- that’s started already- you are being controlling ( you absolutely are not), he needs his space. 

‘Please don’t panic about the money and telling the children. If it was me I wouldn’t tell them. He left, let him tell them. I really hope I am wrong.’

One user said the woman’s husband was ‘gaslighting her’ into being controlling.

‘Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you’re being controlling,’ they said, ‘By all accounts you’ve had the patience of a saint up to this point and if he hadn’t left, I would have chucked him out. 

‘He’s bringing absolutely nothing to your relationship, he isn’t a partner to you in any way.

‘I agree it sounds like he’s seeing someone else and is changing the narrative of your marriage so he has an excuse to leave. And he sounds like a crap dad on top of it all. Let him tell the kids what he’s done, that’s not up to you.’

The original poster admitted that her husband’s behavior did indeed sound like a ‘script’ but said he had been so ‘kind and loving’ that she didn’t want to believe it. 

She said: ‘It does sound like a script and eerily similar to the one my friends ex told her when he walked out on her for another woman ( he still denies there was a crossover but he’d moved in with her within weeks).

‘But he’s always been an absolute sweetheart, so kind and loving – which is clouding my judgement and making me hope I’m wrong and he does genuinely need ‘space’.

‘Irrespective, after the way this argument went I can tell he will never come back – he looked like he hates me.’ 

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