'We shared a bed until he was 14': These mums say co-sleeping is no big deal

Rapper Ice-T has recently revealed that he and his wife Coco still share a bed with their seven-year-old daughter, Chanel.

There has been mixed reaction online to the 64-year-old’s admission. To some, the idea of sharing your side of the bed with a little one might be a parenting nightmare, and some commenters have called the rapper ‘stifling’.

But others will be able to totally relate to the American star, who has claimed that he feels ‘more connected’ to his daughter than he has done with his other children.

Rosey Davidson, sleep consultant, author of The Just Chill Baby Sleep Book and founder of Just Chill Baby Sleep, explains that co-sleeping can be a very normal part of family life.

‘The term “co-sleeping” means sharing a room with your child, and most likely your bed, which can also be known as “bedsharing”‘, she says. ‘For some parents, co-sleeping is literally a lifesaver, and for others it is their worst nightmare!

And Rosey says parents chose to co-sleep for many different reasons.

‘Some do it out of desperation, when they realise they can get a more settled night’s sleep if they sleep with their baby or child. It might be that their baby simply won’t settle without being close to them, which can be very normal.

‘The parent might enjoy the closeness too, and they might find that their baby settles to sleep quicker, and more easily. For some breastfeeding parents it helps them to feed responsively.

‘In many countries it is commonplace for parents and their children to share a room indefinitely. It is about what works for the family dynamic, and the child and parent in question.’

One parent who, like Ice-T co-slept with their child, is Laura Jones 48, a birth doula and Kundalini yoga teacher from South London, who shared a bed with her son until he was 14-years-old.

Like the star, she believes the experience brought her closer to her child, and even says it helped to give him more confidence.

‘We co-slept together from my son’s birth, and I decided to do it for many reasons; ease of transition from womb to world, it made breastfeeding easier at night, plus all of those extra snuggles – it was so lovely we continued.

‘My son and I have a very strong bond. As he got older, all the things that were bothering him would come out at bedtime, so we had a chance to chat through things he was struggling with.

‘He still turns to me as a 16 year old to talk through his stuff, he trusts me beyond a shadow of a doubt, and it makes enforcing rules easier. He also has bags of self confidence and is very sure of himself and his principles, and I’m sure it’s because of the hours we spent snuggled up together.’

While everyone getting a restful night’s sleep sounds like a win-win situation, co-sleeping does come with some cautions, especially when it comes to safe practice.

After unexpectedly finding herself sharing her sleep space with her daughter, children’s book author Zoe Ayre, 36, from West Yorkshire, became very invested in safely co-sleeping, and even penned her book. I Will Always Help You to Sleep, as a way to normalise co-sleeping and bedsharing.

‘We were co-sleeping within days of her birth,’ she says. ‘It was never my intention to do so, but my little girl wouldn’t sleep anywhere but on or next to me, and she wouldn’t take to the Moses basket or next to me crib.

‘Because of the lack of safe co-sleeping education, it was a really steep learning curve and I spent many hours scouring the internet to find out how to do it safely. I knew that I wanted to follow a responsive approach to sleep and parenting, and she wouldn’t settle to sleep any other way.’

Zoe, whose daughter is almost two, admits her approach hasn’t always been met with understanding, but she hopes perceptions are changing.

‘I think bedsharing and co-sleeping can still be quite frowned upon, but I think it’s really important to make the distinction that co-sleeping isn’t dangerous when it’s done safely.

‘I think it’s really important to make the distinction that co-sleeping isn’t dangerous when it’s done safely, and this is why I think safe bedsharing is education is so important – I wish there had been more information about it 20 months ago when I had my daughter, it would have saved me a lot of anxiety.”

Carly Navin, 38, from West Sussex, agrees with Zoe, saying that people don’t always understand why she co-sleeps with her two year old, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

‘I find I’m met with comments like “she can’t sleep in your bed forever” or “she needs to sleep in her own bed”. I’m not sure why – it isn’t anyone else’s business but my partner’s and mine.

‘These people aren’t getting up multiple times a night to put my baby to bed so why should I not do what I need to do to survive? I wish people realised that actually, babies are born to want to be near their parents.

‘It’s normal and natural, and it’s only in the last decade that society has decided that it isn’t normal.’

While there’s no age limit on co-sleeping, as they get older, children’s needs may change, and co-sleeping may no longer work – but there are ways to work around your family’s needs.

Rosey explains: ‘There are no official guidelines, but most children will naturally start to want to sleep on their own at some point – most do so between the age of 3 and 7 years, if we haven’t intervened beforehand.

‘You can work on slowly moving away from co-sleeping with a gentle and practical plan.

‘We can introduce babies or children to their own sleep space, and work on methods to help them to adapt and feel secure sleeping independently. You could first of all camp out in their bedroom on a mattress on the floor, with the aim that once they are used to their new bed you can work on leaving the room.

‘You can focus on including lots of connection time during the day so that they don’t feel like they are missing out on this once you have stopped co-sleeping.

‘Role modelling during the day can also help – playing with teddies and putting them to bed, creating a story around this really helps.’

And, if you’re not ready to stop, then there’s no rush.

‘I knew in myself that when the time was right he’d sleep in his own bed,’ says Laura. ‘Once my son hit puberty at 14 he naturally wanted his own space – as did I, as he was getting much bigger and really starting to nick the duvet covers!’

For safe co-sleeping guidelines, visit The Lullaby Trust.

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