Women share the lessons they've learned from failed relationships

2023-03-24

Ex-girlfriends share the biggest lessons and red flags they’ve learned from failed relationships: ‘Never do this, trust me’

Women shared important takeaways from failed relationships
They encouraged other women to learn from their mistakes

Women have come together to share their key takeaways from failed relationships – and the red flags you should look out for in the beginning.

Difficult relationships can cause serious mental and emotional damage, and it is hard to know when to let go.

A few key encouraged women to listen to their gut, investigate the true reasons they stay in subpar relationships, and set boundaries early on.

Women were also urged to be good, kind, and supportive to themselves and each other – especially when they make a mistake.

‘What’s a lesson you’ve learnt from a past relationship to never repeat in your future relationships?’ a Redditor asked in a popular forum.

Women who have been in abusive and damaging relationships have come together to share their takeaways – and the red flags you should look out for in the beginning [stock image]

Answers came flooding in, with one demanding other people pay attention to the little things they notice early on in relationships.

‘There are some things I thought I could and should put up with in the name of compromise, but I hadn’t learned where to draw the line between compromising some of my own comfort and sacrificing my mental well-being.’

Some of the ‘little things’ included personal hygiene, food habits, everyday quirks, and a partner’s friend group.

Poll

Have you ever stayed in a relationship longer than you should have?

Now share your opinion

A lot of people stay in relationships for longer because they haven’t experienced a ‘big’ wrongdoing that justifies a breakup.

‘Bottom line for me: it’s okay to leave a relationship if you’re not happy, and that doesn’t have to mean just big-ticket betrayals. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible.’

Some were faced with indecisive men who lacked basic respect for their partners.

‘[You should have] enough self respect to drop him as soon as he shows an unwillingness to commit, or is disrespectful to you and outright unapologetic about it.

‘A lot of people say this – but if he wanted to, he would. Don’t make excuses for him, don’t give him the benefit of the doubt.’

‘A man will do anything to be with the woman he desires. If you aren’t a priority to him, you will know it.’

Top 7 Key Relationship Takeaways

You should know when not to compromise: sometimes relationships require a healthy amount of compromise to attune to your partner’s rhythm. But if the same behaviour keeps grinding your gears, or if their actions hurt you, you might just not be compatible.

Question why you’re in a relationship: is it because you’re afraid of being alone? Do not stay in a relationship to fill an empty hole within yourself, or because there’s nothing ‘technically’ wrong but you’re still unhappy. Learn to let go

Never stay with men who refuse to commit: if your partner of two years still hasn’t posted a photo of you on Instagram, or won’t let you meet his friends, chances are he’s not serious about you

Do not be with someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve: people work hard for relationships they want. If your partner is only texting you once a week and doesn’t give you the attention you need, it’s time to call it quits

Set boundaries early on: whether this is about the amount of time you need alone, the sexual acts you’re comfortable with, or where you see the relationship going. Communication is key

Do not date someone with different political views: many women have complained about being blindsided by their partner’s politics. Have a discussion about your beliefs early on so that you can avoid unpleasant surprises

It’s okay to put yourself first: you need to take care of your own emotional and physical wellbeing before you think of someone else’s

A woman shared a horror story that saw her ex-boyfriend watch adult movies right in front of her.

‘I’d say to define boundaries early on,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mind watching adult movies together or alone, but my ex would watch them even when I was in the room [and not participating].’

Women were also encouraged not to be with someone because they were scared of being alone.

‘Don’t stay with someone out of pity or fear to be alone,’ one warned. ‘It never ends well.’

‘Being in a convenient relationship is not the same as being in a good relationship.’

Women also stated that they would never again date someone whose political views didn’t align with them, as it’s a ‘dealbreaker’ – especially in terms of future debates over how to raise their children.

‘I dated someone who didn’t share my political views or respect my sexuality once, it was horrible.’

‘Personal politics says a lot about how someone views the world and important issues.’

Women were also urged to be good, kind, and supportive to themselves and each other – especially when they make a mistake

What are common relationship dealbreakers?

Immaturity and unwillingness to commit
Bad personal hygiene
Frequent bouts of unfounded aggression and violence
Unwillingness to respect your boundaries
Different political views
General discomfort and unhappiness despite no ‘big’ red flags

Some lessons asked people to focus on themselves and put their wellbeing above all else.

‘I learned to always advocate for myself – I don’t want to lose myself and forget my needs to accomodate another person ever again.’

‘It’s okay to put your needs over your partner’s, especially when the relationship is new. If they aren’t being fulfilled, that is unlikely to change with time.’

A few men disagreed with a particular lesson.

‘People saying ‘if he wanted to, he would’ is such bull sh*t. No one is a mind reader, they don’t always understand what your expectations are, and you can reach out just as easily as he can.’

‘If you reach out multiple times and it doesn’t go anywhere, different story. But stop expecting men to bend over backwards to try and guess what they need to do to please you.’

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