Astrology may be silly but my faults were written in the stars
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As with most normal people, I think about astrology in the same way I think about the hole in the ozone layer: I’m aware it exists, but I don’t pay it any attention. That’s not to say I am strictly anti-astrology (or pro-hole in the ozone layer); I just can’t pretend that it takes up much real estate in my mind.
But as luck would have it, the Zodiac came looking for me recently in the form of an uncomfortable public interaction. While waiting for the bus earlier this week, I noticed a man next to me wearing a T-shirt that read “Geminis suck”. As far as slogan tees go, it’s a strong statement.
Gemini season you say? Finally, I can blame all my faults on the stars.Credit: Marija Ercegovac
“Gemini season, we’re all doomed,” he said when he noticed me looking. “What star sign are you?”
I told him I was a Gemini, but I may as well have told him I had a month to live, considering his crestfallen response. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
For the next five minutes, he proceeded to fill me in on the horrors of being a Gemini, more specifically, the horrors of being a Gemini right now, given Gemini season had just started, which was terrible news for all the nicer, more pleasant star signs.
According to my new friend, Geminis are moody, sensitive and cynical; they take advantage of people and only care about themselves. And over the next month, all these traits will be enhanced, so we better strap in.
By the time the bus arrived, I was definitely feeling both moody and sensitive, which only grew worse when I typed “Gemini season” into Google.
Avoid like the plague: Star sign everyone refuses to love was the most recent headline; a half-baked story about a TikTok astrologer (file under: Made-up Jobs) named @Zodiacomomma who claimed that 42 per cent of people “refuse” to date anyone born between May 21 and June 21.
The piece went on to detail how Geminis are typically considered untrustworthy and the most two-faced of the signs, before citing Donald Trump and Kanye West as examples of two famously awful Geminis.
Just two Gemini guys living their worst Gemini lives.Credit: Bloomberg
Finding this hard to believe (perhaps I am cynical?) I searched for a second opinion, but it turns out the consensus online is that Geminis are, in fact, universally loathed.
Among the least offensive internet search results were: A Tribute to Gemini, the Low-Key Psychopath of the Zodiac, Why Does Everyone Hate Geminis So Much? and my favourite, Geminis Are Liars, Cheats, and Thieves and Everyone Knows It.
Admittedly, there were some positives listed about the plight of the poor Gemini.
Apparently, we can be funny, witty and curious; blessed with the ability to make people feel comfortable, we are seen as the life of the party. But even the good stuff seemed a little foreboding; you know, Geminis are here for a good time, not a long time.
Learning that there was an anti-Gemini movement was terrifying, but how much I recognised myself in what was written was more concerning.
“Geminis get bored easily and tend to play off their own struggles with humour,” claimed one astrologer. “They take things to heart and love to stir the pot,” wrote another.
At this point, I was taking everything to heart, aggressively cataloguing my recent interactions to see if my star sign was wreaking havoc on my life.
I texted my wife to ask if I displayed Gemini traits: Did I stir the pot? Do I use humour to deflect from my own struggles? Am I easily bored?
Her reply came back instantly: “Yes to all. What’s going on? Are you having a breakdown?”
Consult this app to find out when your star sign is at its absolute most punishing!Credit: iStock
Annoyingly she’s also a Gemini (it turns out some people will date and even marry Geminis, provided they’re also a Gemini), so I probably can’t trust her, what with all of us being two-faced.
But maybe I wasn’t having a breakdown; perhaps this was a breakthrough.
I’ve spent so long rolling my eyes at any mention of mercury in retrograde or Saturn rising, and in doing so, I’d missed an opportunity to justify all my allegedly negative traits.
Yes, I am impulsive, a control freak and occasionally unreliable. Unfortunately, that’s out of my hands; these pitfalls of my personality were pre-ordained, and to beat myself up over them would be akin to getting angry that I was born with legs too short and arms too long.
Rather than seeing Gemini season as a terrible time, I am choosing to embrace it as a celebration of all that is not my fault – it’s nice to know that even if Geminis do suck, for once, I’m not to blame; it’s the stars.
Find more of the author’s work here. Email him at [email protected] or follow him on Instagram at @thomasalexandermitchell and on Twitter @_thmitchell.
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