Got Beef? Petty revenge and holding a grudge have an unexpected upside

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Amid all the Succession-mania this week, another quietly brilliant show may have slipped under your radar. Netflix series Beef is a tense exploration of modern frustrations explored through two strangers who find themselves locked in an escalating feud.

When Danny (played by Steven Yeun) and Amy (Ali Wong) have an altercation in a car park, it quickly spirals into a full-blown grudge match, each determined to one-up the other.

Road rage: Steven Yeun as Danny in Beef.Credit: Netflix

Ultimately, they build a bizarre friendship that stems from a shared understanding that they’re not angry at the other person; they’re just angry. But they only arrive at that realisation after using each other as an outlet for their frustrations.

The series confirms an unspoken theory I’ve long suspected to be true: grudges can be a healthy way of dealing with your daily stress.

This is not a popular piece of advice and flies in the face of what we are taught about grudges (that you should never hold them). Google the word “grudge”, and you’ll see what I mean. Well, first you’ll see a bunch of results about the 2004 horror film starring that creepy girl with long hair.

But after that, it will be page upon page of anti-grudge propaganda, articles like How to Stop Holding a Grudge and Move On, The Mental Health Effects of Holding a Grudge and Why We Hold Grudges, and How to Let Them Go.

Locking horns can be healthy. In an era obsessed with feel-good forgiveness, petty revenge should be celebrated. Credit: Marija Ercegovac

Our belief that no good can come from holding a grudge has only intensified in this era of toxic positivity.

Despite the fact there is much to be justifiably furious about (rising interest rates, the rental crisis, and the Dalai Lama tongue-sucking episode, to name a few), we’re not supposed to ever get angry.

Someone cuts you off at an intersection? Just practice a little gratitude. Colleague constantly takes credit for your work? Don’t worry about it, do some journalling!

Our obsession with doing the right thing means we never get to indulge that other urge: doing the wrong thing because it feels good. However, there’s something to be said for funnelling life’s frustrations into one petty-yet-satisfying outlet.

I know this because I am currently reaping the benefits of my own Beef-style grudge scenario.

When I first moved into an apartment building, I was excited by the idea of sharing a common space with strangers, believing it would be like living in an episode of Friends. But then the guy in the apartment across from me started putting his rubbish in my bin.

I watched him do it several times, rendered speechless by a mix of rage and curiosity. My wife told me to let it go – “He is probably just confused” – but I knew better; he never used anyone else’s bin, only mine. One man’s trash for another man’s pleasure.

Rather than raise the issue and risk sounding insane, I chose a different tack. Aware he rose early for the gym most days and then parked his car in the same spot every morning, I began getting up early and nabbing that spot.

Was it petty? Yes. Was it satisfying to see his car 500 metres down the street? Absolutely.

From that moment, a grudge was born. He often brought all the other neighbours’ washing in when it was raining, except mine. I regularly told the postman there was “no one here by that name” when parcels arrived for him.

The more it escalated, the more I began to find enjoyment, even solace, in our unspoken game.

Rather than feeling stressed about everything, the grudge became an outlet for the ugly-but-unavoidable parts of human nature, a way of releasing my frustrations instead of letting them fester.

It all came to a head when I retaliated after another bin episode. My neighbour liked to leave his black Havaianas thongs outside his door each night; like anyone who grew up in the 2000s, I have an identical pair, except two sizes smaller.

A single car park incident escalates into an all encompassing grudge on new Netflix series, Beef.Credit: Netflix

One day, I switched them – a genius plan until he knocked on my door, thongs in hand, revealing his doorbell doubled as a camera.

We both started laughing, the tension shattered by how ridiculous it had become. There was recognition that, while petty, it had served a purpose.

Surprisingly, from the grudge, a friendship grew, and now he occasionally takes my bins out, and I never send his parcels away.

I’m not advocating that we all go full John Wick and declare a blood feud on the next person that annoys you, or that we should chuck a Taylor Swift and write a song about the scarf you never got back. But it’s unrealistic to be Zen all the time; sometimes, a little grudge can go a long way.

Basically, a beef can be delicious if cooked just right.

Find more of the author’s work here. Email him at [email protected] or follow him on Instagram at @thomasalexandermitchell and on Twitter @_thmitchell.

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