‘I went for Britain’s most inconvenient wee in a wooden box 100ft above Thames’
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London has some pretty impressive vistas, but I never thought one of the best views of the city would be from a potty suspended in the sky.
Bored of the Daily Star's office toilets, I set about trying to find a more adventurous place to relieve myself, and Domestos had exactly what I was looking for.
For one day only, Loo with a View would see thrill-seeking throne-users like myself lifted into the sky in a wooden box suspended by a crane, complete with a real working bog, and I instantly knew I had to pay a visit.
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My quest for the most inconvenient wee of my life took me to Trinity Bouy Wharf, which boasts a pretty impressive view even from the ground.
Sitting in a cul-de-sac opposite London’s iconic O2 Arena, the loo was occupying some prime real estate, and I could only imagine the view from 100ft up would be even more impressive.
But my pit stop was quickly threatened by the reliably unreliable English weather, and as the wind picked up, I was told my trip to the toilet might not be possible after all.
The loo was, after all, housed in a pretty small wooden box suspended by two metal chains and what appeared to be an industrial crane, and wasn't necessarily built to withstand all weather conditions.
At this point staff members let me know it was too dangerous to board the treacherous toilet and told me it would be at least half an hour until I could use the facilities.
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It was time to put my years of experience queueing for the Ladies' into practice and as I readied myself for a long and uncomfortable wait, I was becoming increasingly concerned for my safety and started questioning whether this epic wee was worth it.
In the meantime, however, I got myself kitted out with a bright green harness in preparation for my sky-high leak. It's the first time in my life I've had to wear safety gear to a toilet, and I again found myself wondering what I'd gotten myself into.
Finally the time arrived, and with two coffees and a can of coke begging for escape, I had all but forgotten my concerns and was happily strapped in for the ride.
The loo was exactly what you'd expect a potty to be, but with much shakier walls and spinning around faster than the sides of a festival toilet after a few too many beers.
I have to admit, the views were pretty spectacular. With the O2 to the south, the Emirates cable car to the east and Canary Wharf to the west, Loo with a View was up there among some of London's top lookout points.
I was also accompanied by a very friendly safety expert who did a great job assuring me the toilet was secure – but not accustomed to sharing such tight peeing quarters, I had to do everything in my power to fend off potential stage fright.
But I would not be deterred. Armed with all the usual amenities, plus Domestos' new 360 ̊ Power Foam, I set about doing what I came here to do.
I had to be quick though as, with the wind reaching dangerous levels again, it was time for me to be returned to the ground.
Safely back on land, I set about removing my safety gear and made time to proudly snap a picture in front of the many items of "I survived Loo with a View" paraphernalia.
This was definitely one of the more adventurous toilet stops I've had in my time, and the views were undoubtedly worth the trouble.
But as a rule, I think I'll keep my bathroom breaks a little less dangerous in future.
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