Dating coach shares nine things you should never let your boyfriend say to you
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For better or for worse, TikTok is becoming one of the biggest spaces for tips on dating and relationships
Both the hashtags #relationshipadvice and #datingadvice have almost nine billion views each, while the #relationships tag has a huge 36.3 billion.
While these tags are filled with all sorts of content, from (sometimes very harsh) pranks to funny, relatable videos, there is also plenty of real advice.
Whether all of it is worth following is questionable: with the rise of the ‘alpha male’ TikTok community, lots of dating advice aimed at men verges on straight-up misogyny – and women aren’t immune from sharing toxic dating advice either.
In a recent TikTok series, professional dating coach Jacob Lucas, 30, shared nine inconspicuous red flags that women need to look out for, from someone controlling our behaviour to diminishing our self-esteem.
In his series, which has amassed six million views in total, Jacob focuses on the things you should never let your boyfriend say to you.
‘If he does say these things, then you should probably get a new boyfriend because this one is not the one,’ he says. ‘Trust me on this.’
His first no-no is when men try to control what women wear.
‘Men do this because of insecurities and controlling behaviours,’ he says.
‘They try to project their own emotions onto the relationship which impacts the women.’
Jacob says that some men want to control what women wear ‘because they get insecure that other men will look at their partner.’
He adds: ‘This then starts controlling behaviours in the relationship that can quickly snowball and leak into other areas of the relationship.’
The second involves exerting control over her eating habits: ‘This controlling behaviour can be very dangerous,’ he says, as it can lead to things like body dysmorphia and eating disorders.
Additionally, Jacob also argues that a boyfriend should never tell you he finds another woman more attractive than you, control your money, control who you can be friends with, or tell you when you can or cannot go out.
He says that it’s ‘super disrespectful’ for your boyfriend to talk to his ex-partner while in a relationship with you, with the only caveat being if they share children (although it isn’t impossible to stay friends with an ex, as long as boundaries are respected).
He also says that liking other women’s pictures on social media is a red flag, but this isn’t necessarily a big deal for everyone.
Jacob’s final red flag, though, is a big one.
‘If you’re in an argument and he says “you’re lucky I’m even with you, I could be with any woman I wanted”,’ says Jacob, ‘get rid of him because he’s a complete narcissist.’
The dating expert’s video received a strong response, which he believes is because many women identified with ‘these behaviours in present and former relationships and relate to how hard these situations are and have been.’
He added: ‘Also those who have removed themselves from the situations have said how much relief they felt once they have left those abusive relationships.’
9 relationship red flags, according to a dating coach
- Jacob Lucas, professional dating coach
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