I fired my bridesmaid after she ruined my bachelorette party

2023-04-15

Bride reveals she fired her bridesmaid after she derailed her bachelorette party with tearful confession – so what do YOU think?

A bride has revealed she fired her bridesmaid after bachelorette party incident
She said her bridesmaid confessed she had fetal alcohol syndrome at the bash
The woman questioned if she was an ‘a**hole’ for asking her friend to step back

A bride-to-be has sparked furious debate after revealing she had fired her bridesmaid who ruined her bachelorette party by confessing she had fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS).

The unnamed woman took to Reddit to share her frustration at her friend who confessed she had FAS – a condition that develops in a child when a person drinks alcohol during their pregnancy – while attending her bridal bash, causing her fun-filled night to be derailed.

Posting to the Am I an A**hole subreddit, the bride-to-be questioned if she was in the wrong for kicking her bridesmaid out of the wedding because she made the bachelorette party all about her by breaking down in tears.

The Reddit user ignited a fiery conversation about bridal and wedding etiquette, prompting thousands of users on the social-media platform to chime in.

She revealed her wedding was just three weeks away and the bash had happened over the Easter weekend.

A bride-to-be has sparked a furious debate after revealing she fired her bridesmaid because she ruined her bachelorette party by confessing she had been diagnosed with FAS

She added that her friend pulled her aside to chat at one point and it turned into a full-blown meltdown.

‘During a quiet moment one of my bridesmaids took me aside and told me that about three months ago she was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome,’ the unnamed woman wrote.

When the bride-to-be questioned how that would affect her life going forward, her friend immediately burst into tears, causing a scene.

‘Obviously I asked her what that meant for her and she started crying because she feels differently about her relationship with her mother,’ she added.

‘We met in elementary school and she’s always had a learning disability, but she didn’t know that there was a preventable cause.’

The woman explained that when her other bridesmaids saw her crying, they rushed over, making the entire night about her.

‘My other bridesmaids noticed her crying, and the evening ended up being about her. We skipped out on going to a bar in the limo I had hired because she was upset. I thought about it all today and ended up emailing her to tell her that she took away an important moment from my life,’ the bride-to-be said.

The woman shared her frustration at her friend who confessed she had fatal alcohol syndrome – a condition that develops in a child when a person drinks alcohol during their pregnancy (stock image)

And although she felt bad for her friend, she questioned why she chose to wait until the bachelorette party to share her diagnosis despite finding out months before.

‘I feel bad about this happening to her, but even though she didn’t always know it’s been going on for her whole life. If this was a recent thing she found out about or it was some kind of deadly disease I would feel differently, but she was sitting on this for months before bringing it up at an event that was supposed to be special to me. You only get one bachelorette and mine was totally overshadowed,’ she explained.

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Because of the hurt she felt, the bride-to-be revealed she decided it was best to keep her friend out of her wedding party.

‘I felt really hurt that she did that, and told her that I didn’t want to have her in my wedding if that’s how she’s going to treat me at a time where the focus was supposed to be something good in my life instead of something sad in hers. She could have waited a few more weeks until after the wedding if she wanted to have this conversation,’ she added.

But she revealed that her friend was still invited to her wedding.

‘She’s still invited to the wedding but I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid after this,’ the future wife said.

And while she thought she made the right decision, her cousin didn’t agree with her.

‘And I was just texting my cousin (my maid of honor) and she disagreed with me doing this. She said that it sucked that we didn’t go to the bar, but this other friend has already paid for her dress so I should just let her stay,’ she said.

‘My fiancé supports my choice, but I wanted another opinion. Am I the a**hole?’

Many users rushed to her defense and praised her for making the right decision, noting that if her friend made the bash about her, she would likely make the wedding about herself too

Many users rushed to her defense and praised her for making the right decision, noting that if her friend made the bash about her, she would likely make the wedding about herself too.

One person wrote: ‘I doubt it was retaliatory as much as “I can’t trust you not to make my wedding day about you.”‘

‘If she’s truly a close friend she wouldn’t have made OP’s party about herself,’ another person added.

A third user said: ‘To be honest, was it retaliation??? How much champagne is there going to be at the wedding and drinking she already went ballistic on the bachelorette party… I can figure if she couldn’t keep it together that night why would she be able at the wedding.

‘And all this is only relevant if OP is currently pregnant, the bridesmaid was or one person in the group was and those have no self control to avoid drinking while pregnant…. There was no reason to skip the bar… because of this fragility. It was money wasted and frankly I get not wanting to risk it happing again on the day of the wedding.’

Someone else said: ‘The problem is that OP can’t trust her at the wedding anymore. She waited until her revelation was harmful to OP and who knows what she might end up pulling at the wedding itself. Yes, most likely nothing, but she lost the trust and are you personally willing to guarantee OP that she won’t pull something then and be willing to cover the bill if she does? Because that is the kind of thing OP had to decide.’

Another added: ‘No, no, no she did that on purpose! She intentionally waited for that night to say anything. Op is NTA by a long shot!’

Other users on the social-media platform slammed her for ‘firing’ her friend and overreacting

‘I don’t think it’s retaliation, I think it’s damage control. I would not want her to be at my wedding that costs tens of thousands of dollars only to have that scenario happen again. I would want my friend to want to stay away if they can’t control themselves from being the center of attention,’ one comment read.

‘Maybe they should have had more civil discourse on the matter but I think the outcome should have been the same,’ someone else wrote.

Another person said: ‘Agreed. NTA. So many people are tiptoeing around other people’s feelings and honestly some people just want attention. It’s a bit of a crap thing to happen but not to be disclosed on someone’s special planned day. Wake up and smell the entitlement. ‘

Other users on the social-media platform slammed her for ‘firing’ her friend and overreacting.

One user wrote: ‘Can we also address the notion of “firing” a bridesmaid as OP calls it in the title? Seems like she considers her bridesmaids to be expendable employees rather than friends deserving of compassion. ‘

Another person said: ‘I think this is exactly what happened. I think the friend made a bad judgment call by trying to come to this event when she knew there’d be drinking and it clearly was too soon after the dx. There is SO much pressure in bridal parties these days. I’m wondering what kind of bride we’re dealing with here.’

‘Plus one of the major impacts of FAS is poor impulse control. The friend’s disability may have had a direct impact on her bad timing with zero malice or intent to steal the spotlight,’ one comment read.

‘Info was there alcohol involved before her confession? Was she drunk? Or were there people drinking? In any of those situations I can see how she might suddenly burst after holding in a diagnosis of fetal alcohol syndrome,’ another added.

The unnamed bride then posted an update revealing she asked her friend to be her bridesmaid again and the two have since made up

‘Yeah these comments are really… not considerate of the situation. They’re all basically saying “yeah it’s sad that she has a developmental disability, but she should have known better/she knew what she was doing” but what if she didn’t? What if she has trouble processing emotions and social cues? It’s an unfortunate situation but Jesus, ostracizing someone for letting their disability slip out too much is just cruel. OP can throw herself another party if she really wants to,’ a Redditor said.

‘Really wish this comment was higher. Not enough people considering the role that FAS is going to have had on the bridesmaid’s emotional regulation/social skills/impulse control etc. I highly doubt she did any of this to deliberately derail the party,’ a response said.

The unnamed bride then posted an update revealing she asked her friend to be her bridesmaid again and the two have since made up.

‘I apologized for acting on my own hurt feelings and asked if she’d be willing to consider still being a bridesmaid. She said she really wanted to still be in the wedding. I don’t have the budget to have another bachelorette party, but I realize that I was only making that loss worse by hurting an old friend in addition to losing out on an event,’ she said.

‘I was definitely attributing her behavior to malice when it was actually bad timing. Back in high school she did a similar thing to me because she was jealous of the attention I was getting as part of a competitive choir, but she’s grown up since then (we’re 23 and 24 now). I overreacted, and I honestly appreciate the tough love from this sub. It made me reconsider what I was doing and probably just saved a friendship.’

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