I'm so in love with ex that I'm worried I'm turning into his stalker | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: YEARS after splitting up with my ex-boyfriend, I’m still so in love with him that I think I’m losing touch with reality and might even be in danger of turning into a stalker.

He was my first love. When we were together we couldn’t ever get enough of each other and he was the guy who took my virginity.

Nobody compares to him.

But he doesn’t want me and he has a new girlfriend. 

I’m 29 and he’s 30.

We were together for five years and broke up four years ago. 

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When he finished with me, I fell apart. I was convinced we were going to get ­married and be together for ever.

Since then, even though I’ve picked up my life and started dating other guys, I can’t stop checking his social media. 

I look at it every day, to see what he’s been up to, whether he has changed his hairstyle, and if he’s still with his girlfriend. I check her social media too. 

I’m constantly on the lookout for any clues that they might not be getting on, or may be tiring of each other.

Recently, I set up a fake Facebook account and friended his girlfriend so I could speak to her. They both found out it was me and blocked me. 

Now my ex thinks that  I’m a sad, crazy obsessive. 

I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.

I know I need to move on and meet someone else, but I have no idea how to.  Please help.

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DEIDRE SAYS: The pain when first love ends is incredibly difficult to bear, and it can be hard to move on.

But, as you are starting to appreciate, it’s not healthy to be preoccupied with your ex after four years.

Listen to yourself when your inner voice tells you that you are going too far.

It is this consciousness that will  help you to keep unhealthy behaviour in check.

There’s nothing wrong with curiosity about an ex, but it sounds like you are not in control of your need to check up on him. 

I think some counselling could really help you to move past this. You deserve to find happiness again.

My support pack on counselling tells you more and where to find help. And my other pack, Moving On, will also be useful.

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