I've tried everything but my husband only see's me as a mother and not a lover | The Sun
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I make sexual advances towards my husband, he rejects me, saying he’s not in the mood.
I have tried everything to make him show interest in me, and his constant knock-backs are making me feel unattractive and unwanted.
I’m 34, he is 36 and we have sons aged two and four.
We used to be intimate all the time, but since the boys were born, he doesn’t seem interested.
It’s like he only sees me as a mother now, and not a lover. I’ve tried wearing sexy lingerie, cooking his favourite meals and sending him suggestive messages.
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Nothing works.
I have even lost weight – I’m slimmer than I was before I got pregnant – but he still doesn’t fancy me.
It’s not just our sex life that has gone off the boil – he never wants to socialise any more either.
We both work and I do all the chores, so if anyone should be stressed and tired, it’s me.
I don’t want to cheat or to split up my family, but I can’t carry on like this for much longer.
I’m a young woman and need a normal sex life.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s hard not to take being rejected personally. But when your partner goes off sex, it’s very rarely because they no longer find you attractive.
Losing weight or putting on sexy lingerie won’t help.
The fact your husband has also gone off socialising suggests he may be feeling generally unhappy or even depressed.
Rather than trying to seduce him – which is putting pressure on him and probably making things worse – talk to him.
Ask if he is happy and if there is anything you can do to help. Tell him how this is making you feel.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, will be useful.
You might also want to suggest relationship counselling. You can find support through Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).
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