My boyfriend is addicted to porn and is unable to enjoy sex with me like he used to | The Sun
DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend used to watch porn every now and again but his habit has spiralled to several times a day.
Now he’s unable to enjoy sex with me like he used to.
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I worried the problem was with me and thought he’d gone off me. I’d try everything I could to help our sex life from weekends away to buying sexy lingerie.
Nothing seemed to impress.
We’d go to bed and while I’d have a great time, my boyfriend could never climax.
He’s 33 and a barber so spends the working day standing, but that shouldn’t affect his mojo should it?
I’m 29 and a beauty therapist. I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years and we live together.
I’m lively and adventurous, especially when it comes to sex. I’d say I have a high sex drive.
I only found out he’s addicted to porn because he got a new phone and offered me his old one.
He isn’t the most technical so didn’t wipe his messages.
I’ll admit I had a peek and was relieved to see he didn’t have anything to hide. But when I looked at his online history, it was all porn sites, morning, noon and sometimes at night when I was asleep right next to him.
I’ve read that watching too much pornography can affect your sex life, but I never imagined it would happen to me.
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Yesterday, I asked him straight out how much porn he was watching and he dismissed me saying, ‘I don’t need to — I’ve got you’.
But I know that’s not true. So now I don’t know whether to talk to him again, as it will look like I’m calling him a liar and I’ll have to admit to snooping. Or whether it’s time to come clean.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Everyone is entitled to a private life, but in this instance, you can legitimately say you found his files on the phone.
The real issue here is his addiction has started to affect your relationship and could well be damaging other aspects of his life as well.
Many adults enjoy looking at pornography but when it starts to affect your own sex life, then you know it’s a problem.
Pornography sites use algorithms which push the viewer on to more and more extreme footage. It blunts the appetite for normal sex.
The person then pleasures themselves without the need for a partner.
Find a calm moment to explain to him what you inadvertently found.
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Say you’re not angry, but you think that weaning off it will help your sex life.
My support pack called Internet Pornography Worry explains how.
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