Sally and Ray McNeil’s toxic marriage – domestic violence to muscle worship

2022-11-03

Bodybuilder Sally McNeil – dubbed "pumped up princess" and "Brawny Bride" – became infamous for shooting her Mr Universe wannabe husband Ray dead on Valentine's Day in 1995.

Sally claimed that her husband would beat her and her two children, leaving her fearing for her life, with new Netflix documentary Killer Sally exploring her toxic marriage to Ray.

In the documentary, she said: "It’s not like I woke up and decided to kill my husband. I killed the man I loved the most in the world."

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Here's a look at their relationship from whirlwind romance to domestic violence and the argument that turned fatal.

When did Sally and Ray McNeil meet?

US Marine Sally first laid eyes on Ray McNeil , also a Marine and keen bodybuilder in 1987, she had just escaped a violent marriage to the father of her two children.

Sally recalled: "It was lust at first sight. He was this big hunk of a man. He looked like the statue of David. He was beautiful. He was polite and kind. I thought I’d found a man who could be a stepdad for my children."

The pair had a whirlwind romance of just two months before marrying, and moving as a family into a two bedroom apartment in Oceanside, California.

At first, Sally's children Shantina, then four, and John, two were very fond of their "charismatic" stepdad.

What happened between Sally and Ray McNeil?

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Sally and Ray's relationship began to worsen with Sally and her children seeing a different side to the bodybuilder who pal DJ Jeffers described as a "gentle giant."

Steroids

Ray left the Army to become a professional bodybuilder, becoming obsessed with bulking up and using steroids to do so.

Sally, who was described as the "sole breadwinner" of the house, frequently travelled across the Mexican border to buy performance-enhancing drugs.

Daughter Shantina remembers: "(Steroid use) was a very taboo subject in my family. Then my parents were arguing a lot more."

Muscle worship

Money was tight so when Sally was offered £45 an hour to film videos where brawny females wrestled with men, she saw it as a great opportunity.

Muscle worship, in which people were turned on by beefy women, was a lucrative trade, which Sally found her place in.

She set up her own production company and after leaving the Marines in 1993, she began charging for one-on-one ‘private time’ with men who paid women to beat them up, wrestle with them or humiliate them.

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She said: "I was disgusted. It was bizarre, but I was making so much money that it compensated for the bad feelings. The money – $300 an hour – outweighed the dark side of it."

Physical abuse

Sally's daughter Shantina described her step-dad Ray as “Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde," adding that he was "very physically abusive" towards her mother. Her son John recalled an incident where Ray broke Sally's nose.

Sally also claimed that Ray had punched her in the face just three days into their marriage, saying: "The first time he choked me I thought he was going to kill me.

"That was shocking. There were a lot of times he would attack me and instantly choke me. I should have left him a long time ago. I should have left the third day we were married but he said sorry and he wouldn’t do it again and I believed him."

She added that the hulk-like man would often force her to have sex with him as it "proved she forgave him."

Sally's children were also beaten by Ray, with John saying: "Whenever my sister or myself did anything bad he would call us both into the room and spank one and make the other one watch," adding that his step-dad was " like the devil" to him.

Fatal argument

On Valentine's Day 1995, Ray went out and and Sally, who knew he was having an affair, decided to walk to his favourite bar to see if he was there.

When he returned, they had a row with Sally claiming that he started hitting and choking her, adding: "I was scared."

Fearing for her life, Sally said she grabbed the shotgun she kept in the bedroom for "security," loading it as she walked back to the living room.

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She said: " I had no idea what he was capable of doing. He had five different steroids in him. He was superhuman.”

When Ray refused to leave, Sally shot him twice, and then called emergency services who took Ray to hospital, arrested her and took the children.

After being told Ray is dead, Sally sobbed saying: "I didn’t want it to be that way. I just wanted him to stop hitting me."

What happened after Sally shot Ray dead?

During her murder trial, prosecutors brought attention to the fact that there were many incidents of violence perpetrated by Sally, including a physical attack on a love rival who got too close to Ray at a bodybuilding event.

Sally was found guilty of first degree murder, spending 25 years in a California jail before being released in 2020.

Her Shantina herself had endured an abusive relationship, while son John slipped into drug addiction and violence himself before seeking help.

Sally, now 62, has remarried, having met husband Stuart at a support group for ex-con.

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