Four strangers walk into a bar: Inside a blind date, but for friendship
Tucked away in a wooden booth at the back of an unmistakably Melbourne bar, four people clink glasses under the glow of fairy lights. Like those on the other tables, occupied by groups of 20-something-year-olds, the foursome share knowing smiles as they drink their matching whiskies.
But unlike the other groups, these four are complete strangers to each other.
Will (left), Rhiannon (centre) and Sid (right) on their “blind friend date” through Foura. The fourth member of the group, Gaby, asked not to be photographed for privacy reasons.Credit:Paul Jeffers
They’re on a blind date – not for love, but for a mate. They were paired through Foura, a friend matchmaking service that recently launched in Melbourne.
The platform began in Sydney in 2021, when London-born Tam Al-Saad – a self-proclaimed extrovert – decided to lend a helping hand to those struggling to make connections after the COVID-19 lockdowns. To use Foura, you add in your details, answer a few questions about your interests, and then wait for it to arrange a time and place for you to meet three other like-minded people.
No more faffing around with profile pictures or “witty” bios on Bumble BFF – an offshoot of the dating app Bumble where you text people who the algorithm thinks you’d get along with platonically. With Foura, you just have to show up.
With graffitied skateboards on the wall and grilled halloumi on the table, Will, Rhiannon, Sid and Gaby – who for privacy reasons did not disclose their surnames – began the friend-making process. As I witnessed the slightly wooden small-talk of any first human interaction, I was taken back six years to when I first moved to Melbourne and began desperately seeking out companionship.
Starting fresh in a new state or country – something three of the friends here tonight can relate to – is no easy feat. The hardest part is the loneliness. You find yourself looking for exact replicas of the friends you left behind, only to realise it’s an impossible mission.
I tried everything: I spoke to people standing in a line for the ATM, I Facebook-friended everyone I came across, I even had a coffee with a teaching assistant from one of my university classes.
Things, of course, got better, and I managed to make some incredible friends to wine and dine with. But seeing Foura in action, I wonder whether I could have avoided that first year of searching for friends so intensely I may have resembled Liam Neeson tracking down his daughter in Taken.
This is the foursome’s first Foura gathering. Some are here to break out of their university bubble, others because it becomes a challenge to meet new people when you settle into the hectic routine that is adulthood.
Foura is a blind matchmaking service for friends, established by Briton Tam Al-Saad.Credit:Paul Jeffers
They assure me that, despite initial nerves, they were able to quickly break the ice by first imbibing some liquid courage and then touching on the one experience they knew they all shared: Foura.
“When we first got here, it was just me and Sid, and because we’re both in the same situation where this has been arranged, we kind of just got talking. It felt more comfortable than if we had just met in a bar,” Rhiannon says, the others nodding along in agreement.
“It’s like an old-school matchmaking service. Let’s go back 30 years,” the joker of the evening, Will, says with a chuckle. Rhiannon adds that it’s also a way to build up your confidence – throwing yourself into new situations, going “balls to the wall”.
So a Scottish Masters graduate in crime and justice, a Canberran, a Melburnian in the insurance industry, and a man from Bombay looking to begin his corporate career walk into a bar…
They seem worlds apart, so I ask: Why do you think you were matched?
They all hesitate.
“We have a similar taste in music, like metal and punk,” Gaby sheepishly chimes in, pointing to Rhiannon.
“They’re all not from Melbourne. I’m not sure why I’m here,” Will quipped.
Admitting you feel you have little in common with someone sitting right by you is uncomfortable at the best of times. Having a journalist kneeling on the floor by the table – so determined to make it comfortable that I probably just made it weird – likely didn’t help. But they are open and honest, two things I believe are imperative when establishing long-lasting bonds.
But I’m not sure Rhiannon is entirely convinced she can find the Bert to her Ernie by answering a few questions on an online questionnaire.
“Just because people listen to the same music or watch the same films doesn’t mean that they’ll get along,” Rhiannon says. “I don’t have an example for what they should do instead, but I felt like it was a bit surface-level.”
This reminds me of what true friendship is: A relationship built on trust and shared experience. These things can only develop over time. No one can expect four random strangers to immediately kick it off, or have everything in common.
Being awkward at your first meeting is a rite of passage, it’s part of what makes us human. So, I can’t fault this group of four for seeming a bit uncomfortable. Friendship can’t grow overnight.
And who knows? Perhaps as soon as the journalist walks away, they’ll get along like a house on fire.
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