Happily married couple have not shared a bed for nearly 14 YEARS
Can sleeping in separate rooms make your relationship STRONGER? Couple who have been happily married for 14 YEARS never share a bed – but insist it hasn’t affected their sex life
- Jennifer Adams, 52, and her husband Fraser Mackay, 50, are happily married
- They admit their marriage is stronger than ever as they sleep in separate rooms
- The Queensland couple have been sleeping in their own beds for nearly 14 years
- She was unable to sleep because of husband’s snoring was interrupting her
- The couple found a ‘practical solution’ to end their sleepless nights for good
Every night, they exchange a loving kiss, share a warm embrace, wish one another a peaceful night’s rest – and then disappear into their own bedrooms.
It’s the same routine Jennifer Adams, 52, and her husband Fraser Mackay, 50, have followed through for nearly 14 years.
And the couple, who live in Queensland’s Brisbane, insist they are happily married.
Speaking to Daily Mail Australia, Ms Adams wanted to bust the myths about separate sleepers, challenge the stigma surrounding the practice – and how the arrangement has made their marriage stronger than ever.
Happily married couple Jennifer Adams and Fraser Mackay have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for 14 years – and they insist the arrangement has strengthened their relationship
The decision to have separate rooms came after the sleep deprived pair struggled to enjoy a good night’s rest in the same bed.
‘We were going out for five months, we fell madly in love with each other and very quickly, he moved into my house,’ Ms Adams told Daily Mail Australia.
‘We had our bedroom all set up… But we lasted one week in bed together.’
Ms Adams explained how she was struggling to nod off at night because her then-boyfriend’s snoring was interrupting her sleep.
‘The snoring became a predominant issue,’ she explained.
‘By the end of the week, I couldn’t sleep and he was feeling very bad about it.’
She explained how their schedules also affected their sleeping patterns.
‘We have opposite body clocks,’ Ms Adams said.
‘Fraser was working as a tiler at the time, so he would go to bed early and wake up early. He needed to get a good night’s rest so he could do physical work all day.
‘I’m a night owl. I always read a book before bedtime so I couldn’t do that while he was trying to sleep early.
‘And so we started sleeping in separate rooms but would spend our weekends sharing a bed together – but we still found ourselves feeling tired.’
The happily married couple, from Brisbane, insist their relationship is stronger than ever after they found a ‘practical solution’ to end their sleepless nights by having their own bedroom
The couple found a ‘practical solution’ to end their sleepless nights for good by having their own bedroom.
‘Our bedrooms were next door to each other, but we were very sad about being apart,’ Ms Adams recalled.
‘At first, it was a shock for both of us, we were both nervous about doing it but we talked through it. I had a few tears but from a practical perspective, I just needed my sleep and so we both made it work.
‘For us, it was a no brainer. Our number one priority is health – you’ve got to be healthy – and this was our key focus.’
After spending months apart under the same roof, the couple noticed how the separate sleeping arrangements brought them closer.
‘For us, it was a no brainer,’ she said.
‘We were getting enough restorative sleep, we were feeling better and healthier – and we weren’t resenting each other.
‘We’re just like everyone else, except we have our own beds at night. There was a level of sadness but we kept that physical intimacy with each other.’
The couple found a ‘practical solution’ to end their sleepless nights for good by having their own bedroom
And sleeping in different bedrooms has proven to strengthen their relationship.
‘We have been together for 14 years, married for 11 years and we have been sleeping separately for 13 and a half years,’ she said.
‘We are very happily married.’
The only time the couple do share a bed together is when they go on holiday.
‘When we’re on holiday, we certainly spend time together in the same room. It’s lovely when you can sleep together and wake up next to each other,’ she said.
‘I still have to use ear plugs – there’s not one set of ear plugs in the world I haven’t tried – I’ve tried everything,’ she added, laughing.
Like most couples, Ms Adams said they have never had any issues with intimacy.
‘We are very intimate. If you lose intimacy, that’s when you start to have problems in the relationship – but this has never been the case for us,’ she said.
‘When Fraser wakes up, the first thing he does every morning is he gives me a kiss. Normally I’ll still be asleep,’ she said.
‘We make sure we say goodnight every night – we can’t go to bed until we do this, or I would go to his room for a kiss and cuddle. We enjoy each other’s company.
‘We always snuggle in bed together and then we go to our rooms to sleep. We FaceTime each other or talk on the intercom.
‘We have no boundaries. It’s important to have that approach. It’s about wanting to do this not having separate rooms because there’s issues in the relationship.
‘It was never our motivation to go to our own rooms because of an issue. But if one of us wasn’t giving enough attention to the other, we would call them out on it.’
Like most couples, Ms Adams said they’ve never had any issues with intimacy in their marriage
Ms Adams said their sleeping habits came as a surprise to their family and friends when they told them about the arrangement.
‘Our parents thought there was trouble in paradise,’ she said, laughing.
‘When we told our family and friends, there were certainly a few raised eyebrows. But I think that’s just a social judgement and statement around the practice of sleeping together.
‘Sleeping together is a real western culture – we’ve been made to think successful relationships is when you share the same bed with your partner – but it’s really the opposite.
‘I’m really fortunate my husband is a great communicator.’
Ms Adams said she wanted to break the stigma surrounding the separate sleeping arrangements between couples.
‘Show me the stats of the divorced couples who shared a bed every night,’ she said.
‘Sleeping in separate rooms does not mean the end of a relationship, it’s just a way of doing maintaining our relationship.
‘Talking about it openly becomes more socially acceptable. You would be surprised at how many happy married couples out there already doing this.’
Ms Adams said she wanted to break the stigma surrounding the separate sleeping arrangements between couples
Ms Adams – who’s the author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart – said couples should not resist sleeping apart if it means a better night’s rest.
Ms Adams busted all the myths about separate sleepers in her book: Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart
‘It’s practical. If you’re being disturbed by your partner’s snoring, and you’re not getting enough sleep, then you need to do something to restore yourself,’ she said.
‘The key message is this should be done for health. Sleeping is such a luxury and if you’re not getting enough, ask yourself: If your partner is disturbing your sleep? If so, then you should consider sleeping in separate rooms.
‘Be explicit with each other and have those rituals so you know everything’s okay. Be honest about why you’re doing this – that’s your key to send it into success.
‘If you’re doing it because there’s issues in your relationship, then you need to address those problems first.
‘It’s not a black-and-white issue. Consider sleeping separately sometimes. You might need sleep on some days because of work commitments or you just need a good night’s sleep.
‘We are both well rested now, it was such a key drive for us. We are both people who needed sleep, and the separate rooms took away that tension of both being tired.
‘Talk to your partner. Be confident in your decision and just be proud about it. If you’re doing it for the right reasons, then you don’t have anything to worry about.
‘Just remember, it’s not you, it’s about sleep.’
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