Sex with my ex-girlfriend is incredible but we still fight like cat and dog
DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my ex-girlfriend is always amazing and I’m tempted to get back with her – but we fight like cat and dog.
I’ve been seeing a couple of other girls I get on with better but it’s nothing like as hot. I’d love to get back with my ex but friends all tell me to stay away from her.
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I’m 27 and I met her at a friend’s 30th birthday party a year ago. She is 28 and had a really sexy dress on, and had a great figure. We got on brilliantly and were soon flirting heavily.
We agreed to share a taxi and when we got to hers, she invited me in. Within minutes we were in bed. I had some of the best sex of my life — and there has been even better since.
I was in a house-share and she invited me to move into her flat with her the next month. The sex got better and better but the rows were bad. She’s moody and needy, and was always shouting at me over something she reckoned I hadn’t done. I didn’t tell her I loved her often enough, was messy, didn’t compliment her cooking. It was endless.
It got me down so much I moved back in with my mates after six months and went on dating sites. I met a couple of nice girls and I’ve carried on seeing them both — only very occasionally since lockdown.
They don’t know about each other but I haven’t told either of them we’re exclusive.
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After a month of lockdown my ex contacted me. She’s working from home and was feeling low and lonely. She invited me round to her flat — it’s easy to sneak in without anyone seeing me.
We end up in bed every time and the sex is as hot as ever — but I say it would be asking for trouble for me to stay the night so we’re not together that long.
But I miss her when I wake up all alone in bed in the mornings. Yes, I see those other girls and that usually turns sexual but they are nothing like as exciting as my ex.
My mates got sick of me moaning about her. They think I shouldn’t see her now and should definitely not get back with her.
Should I go for a girl I can have a good relationship with but miss out on hot sex, or accept my ex and I are right for each other and weather the rows?
DEIDRE SAYS: If you are both prepared to invest some time and effort in your relationship, you might be able to have the hot sex and a happy life together.
Your ex is not needy, demanding and tempestuous for no reason. Talk to her about her early years to help you both get some insight.
Discuss your early experiences too. Could there be a reason why a bit of you enjoys winding her up?
Suggest that you have couple counselling. See relate.org.uk and tavistockrelationships.org. Even if it does not save your relationship, you will learn a lot.
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